I was going to write this blog post when I had felt, a while ago, that my perspective of life, as against someone whom I knew, brought me peace. It is ironical that in just a couple of weeks since then, I now have decided to write this post because I feel my perspectives are bringing me pain, pain and more pain.
I have always tried to reason out every failure, every success, every happy moment and every sad moment. In this course of self-analysis, which for the most part led to a lot of unhappiness, I did also find a lot of things that helped me (or so I thought) piece life together. I also got an opportunity to understand myself and my problems better. I kept asking myself questions even at the risk of going crazy because somewhere I believed in the ‘light at the end of the tunnel’.
In all this thinking and analysis, I also realized that my perspectives are not always right and that not always everything I want is the best for me. In fact many a times I had to swallow my pride and accept that my thinking was wrong (thought it was honest and earnest). Sometimes, I had felt like I had struggled a lot and therefore deserved a lot of fairness in the way life treated me. When I started thinking with this lens on my mind’s eye, I was frustrated, because I was still being given a raw deal. Then with time and more thinking, I started to realize that there is a plan in how the universe unfolded and that I was part of the plan and that I had to first accept my place and purpose in that plan to understand why things were happening the way they were. Ever since then, I have felt a peace that helps me tide over tough times. This doesn’t mean that I don’t feel pain anymore. I would be lying if I said that. For even now, I am experiencing pain like I haven’t before. A very different kind of pain!
The pain I am feeling now was also of my own doing, my perspectives in the past which have ruined my present. However, I feel like I have the strength now to at least think clearly when the pain subsides every few moments. And in that moment I feel peace and that is the peace I’m talking about as related to my perspective now. M perspective now that, “Yes, this is happening to me, and this pain is hurting, but there is a way I can deal with this” gives me strength and a moment of peace. And I hold on to that moment of peace and strength hoping and believing that things will change for the better.
