My mazed interior - My Mind

Rational Racism or Statistical Discrimination

2011-12-11T19:09:00.001+05:30

I read about the concept of rational racism or statistical discrimination in Tim Harford's book Logic of Life. It is one of those concepts which is just wonderful to discover and as always, Tim Harford, in his inimitable style makes it all sound so easy. While on the topic, I'm a big fan of all his books and I started with the Undercover Economist.

Anyway, the thing that I liked the most about this concept is that it seems like our whole idea of rationality need not always lead to the best results. Tim explains how the African-American population in the USA are not only affected by taste-based discrimination which is equivalent to bigotry but also by discrimination that is born out of rationality. I particularly like the study he outlines by which this can be proven - applicants grouped under two color categories looking for jobs. Of course, I'm not going to re-write his work here but the idea is that when a group of people behave in a particular way, we tend to make judgements that look rational but that in turn makes the group of people exactly continue the behaviour that is detrimental to them. This idea probably struck a chord with me immediately as I look back at work and how people I manage behave or how I behave when managing people at work. Rationality at work is indeed branded as the cornerstone that make work environments civilized. However, after reading about statistical discrimination, I'm wondering whether looking at data and drawing conclusions to resolve problems like employee engagement, attrition, etc. will need to be looked at from a different angle.

Apart from the above, the other thing that really got me thinking was the term that Tim has spoken about in this book around the same topic of rational racism - 'acting white'. He describes how African-American kids who study hard or try to make it big in life are branded as 'acting white' by peers, friends and family. This indeed discourages many of them from trying in the fear of being disowned by their own. This particular idea led immediately to me thinking about a similar term I have heard growing up in quite a patriarchal society - 'acting boyish'. Girls who tried to be independent, make their own decisions, hung out with friends often were often called 'tomboyish'. I was one of them so may be it immediately came back to me. Contrary to the effect that Tim describes in his book, I wasn't discouraged but I wonder how many girls did not even venture in this direction for fear of being branded 'tomboyish'. Another similar term I thought of was 'Acting like Peter and Mary'. I'm sure many of you(if not most) will have heard this if you've grown up in India and have tried to master the English language. For those of you who don't know what this term means - it meant that those of us who tried to communicate in English were mocked as being Peter or Mary depending on what sex one belonged to. Peter and Mary were considered to be the quintessential representation of an English population. This had exactly the same effect as 'acting white' especially when I see the number of people around me who have to speak in English to make a good career but are embarrassed to try talking this language in public because they will be mocked by their peers. Wonder if the discovery of this concept will help us solve the problem of getting people to speak and write better English for the sake of their careers.

This kind of thinking which is triggered by behavioural economics is exactly the reason why I'm fascinated by this subject. May be this fascination of mine is one of the dots that I'd connect to when I look back 10 years from now. Connecting the dots - Steve Jobs' words of wisdom.

Picture from: http://timharford.com/books/logicoflife/

DIY – is it for good or for bad?

2011-05-01T20:25:00.006+05:30

Recently I saw something in the gym that I go to, which triggered a strong feeling in me about ‘Do-It-Yourself’ tasks. I joined this place recently and was not used to a rather amusing sight. There are of course a multitude of workout machines including stationary bikes, treadmills, EFX, etc and a multitude of people sweating it out working these machines. While I was on the treadmill doing the same, I noticed that there was a cleaning lady from the gym who was armed with a spray-can full of some sort of cleaning/sanitizing liquid and waiting patiently in a corner watching everyone. I was just about to ask myself the question of what her job was when I got my answer rather proactively. One of the ladies who entered the workout area looked around and caught the attention of the cleaning lady with a flick of her fingers and even before I could wonder what she was going to do, the cleaning lady came running along and wiped clean all the handles of the treadmill. The trying-to-get-fit lady got on the treadmill and started her workout. A few minutes later the trying-to-get-fit lady got off the treadmill and repeated the same routine and the cleaning lady ran along and wiped clean the stationary bike. I almost smiled at the mirror in front of me and wondered how this could be happening. I instantaneously despised this lady and thought how she could be so snooty as to not want to just wipe clean the machine herself. Following this I saw it was not just this one lady but several people who were doing the same. This triggered some more feelings about how cheap labour was being used in the country. Is this kind of a job worthwhile someone’s time even if they get paid money to do this? What is the person doing the job likely to be feeling about it? What value would the person attach to the job in hand and therefore how effectively will he/she be delivering the expected outcome? While these questions started popping up in my head images of several such jobs which could easily be abolished if each of us did our share came to my mind.

-Like the job of the guy who was opening and closing an entrance door to a multiplex in one of the city’s swanky malls. I presume he was doing it so that someone wouldn’t just leave the door ajar and thereby reduce the effect of the air conditioning.

- Like the job of the guy in the airport who just checks at the immigration gate if I have filled the immigration form. Again, he presumably does this to ensure someone who hasn’t done it won’t hold up the long queue if his turn comes up.

- Like the traffic police man who mans the subway near my avenue every morning just to ensure that no one pushes around the barricade that he has painstakingly placed.

I am sure you’re by now starting to think of many such jobs. There are several such jobs and it makes me wonder why we have these jobs and whether this is worthwhile and if it is indeed a way of under-estimating human ability. But then, I remember something that one of my Dutch colleagues remarked while another one asked me this question about why we have such jobs. He said, “At least it is a way of providing employment to someone which is better than the social system of The Netherlands where someone just gets paid to be unemployed”. That seems to indeed make sense!

I recently also read about Nandan Nilekani’s idea of the ‘demographic dividend’, which he describes as the benefit that our country is reaping due to its people.
According to this idea, our increasing population which was once considered our liability is now actually paying dividends as the rest of the world (especially Europe) is dealing with an aging population. When I think of this it does indeed make sense that the artificial demands created by an upwardly mobile nation is catering to the vast population looking to make ends meet. And for a majority of this population, may be it matters that they have a job more than what kind of job it is. However, as per Nilekani the advantage of the demographic dividend will be fully realized only if we equipped with the right population, a population that can meet the demands of knowledge based industry and the resultant jobs. Given this, it does look like the way we use most of our population is not exactly helping us reap the dividends. For me however, more than dividends, it is the idea of using human potential for far lesser than it’s worth that is worrying. May be I’m just an obsessive believer in the bigger purpose of life. Can’t tell clearly yet.

Image sources: http://imaginingindia.com/explore-and-discuss-the-book/ & www.cartoonstock.com/directory/b/boring_jobs.asp

People and Cultures

2010-12-05T09:19:00.003+05:30

I had a colleague from Beijing a while ago with who I went to dinner. In a way this post was inspired by her interest (seemingly) in my writing. As we were having dinner and chatting about several different things (typical dinner conversation), I asked her a very regular and simple question. ‘What do you do over the weekend back in Beijing?’ She immediately laughed aloud and said ‘Sleep as much as I can!’ It was funny of course, only mildly because that is exactly how I would describe my weekends. Another colleague from England was about to go off camping with her team and was sharing her anxiety about how overnight trips make her wonder about what she should be wearing to bed when she is with a bunch of people she is not so familiar with, how she would go about her morning routine, etc. And, I guess many of us can identify with that. Nothing unusual there! I have colleagues from both the East and the West who share such simple woes about traffic, weather, bringing up children, spouse stories and that led to me to think how much people are similar across cultures.

One of the most interesting things about working for a global organization as mine is that I get to meet people from different cultures. I seem to think a lot about cultures and people from different cultures in the recent past. I had once upon a time thought it impossible for me to be friends with people from a different country. I am not entirely sure why I thought that way but vaguely recollect thinking that perspectives and preferences of people from different cultures are very different and it may be difficult to feel a strong bond. However, over the past few years, I have made some really good friends at work and they happen to be from a different country. I also see more and more that strong bonds are often forged more by how much I connect with a person in terms of their interests, values and beliefs. Values like how one looks at life as a continuous journey of learning and interests like reading. And these I have seen have no cultural boundaries. People are separated by distances but the ‘human being’ is a basic species (in more common lingo – a template) that is just customized based on situations and experiences. And often, given the dwindling distances and fast disappearing boundaries due to globalization facilitated by the Web 2.0 wave, these situations and experiences are becoming similar. Not only did this colleague from Beijing have a recognizable weekend hobby, she also shared the same traffic woes that I have living in Chennai. These may be small things and I am by no means a globe trotter but these are strong tell tale signs ( at least for me) that it is only people that make up cultures and not cultures that make up people. Of course, it depends a lot on the type of people. People who will let influences and incidents take over their ability to reason and re-think their choice could well make up cultures that some of us cannot identify with.

Image sources: http://www.beijingolympicsfan.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/05/wi-fi-beijing.jpg; http://www.masksoftheworld.com/images/Korean-Wood-Mask-a.jpg; http://www.topnews.in/files/british-flag.jpg

Doing one’s best vs. being perfect

2010-11-06T17:31:00.002+05:30

A few days ago, a friend asked me if there was a difference between trying to do one’s best and trying to be perfect. He wondered if what I call ‘doing my best’ is the same as what he calls ‘trying to be perfect’. I didn’t disagree completely as I do think that the concept of doing one’s best is very closely tied with what how one describes ‘best’. As with many things in life, it is in the mind of each person how we choose to look at something. So, I chose to explain how I look at it. And, I think that there is surely a difference between the two.

For one, the biggest difference lies in the impact the two kinds of thinking can have on my morale. If I am trying to be perfect, I always see the end result as failure as there will always be a better way doing what I’ve done. Sometimes that better version could be my own improvisation and many times it would be someone who can do it better than me. Whereas, if I’m trying to do my best I will feel satisfied with my effort even if the end result could be improved by someone. One more thing that I feel happens when I try to be perfect is that I am in a race with others and always comparing myself with others, whereas when I am trying to do my best I am only trying to do better than yesterday. As you can imagine, trying to be perfect, obviously can put a lot of pressure on oneself. But I know for a fact, from my own experiences, that it also puts a tremendous amount of pressure on others. For one, others around me end up having to put up with an always unhappy person who is only worried about getting everything right. In fact, I can say this with some certainty as I have been there before and it was just not fun enough. If it wasn’t fun for me, imagine the poor souls around me!

Now that I have understood that perfection is a journey and not a destination, I surely seem to be in a better place in life. Of course, the better place is my own definition and it need to be the same for others. When earlier I read books and motivational quotes about ‘competing with one’s own self’ and ‘defining success in one’s own terms’, it all looked quite clichéd and improbable. However, now that I have had my own experiences of sweating over the wrong things in life, I do see what it means to just compete with one’s own self and be happy with what I have. Coincidentally, the same day as when my friend asked me this question, I was talking to my husband about how I feel quite happy about not fearing failure anymore and just concentrating on doing things better than what I did yesterday. Obviously, that statement also made me realize that I was always in fear of a failure that was just in my head because I was so worried about being perfect.

Finally, let me tell you that if you’re reading this and thinking ‘crap, crap, crap’ in your head, I can completely empathize with you. However, with whatever little bit of success I’ve had with finding my way around my mind I call a maze, I’ve come to see one thing. And that is, if there is one truth that is overarching in our lives, it is the fact that our experiences shape us and until we realize for ourselves what is true and what is not, everyone else’s thoughts (and that is probably a lot in the Web 2.0 world, given there are hundreds of blogs and unpublished amateurs like me!) is all unfounded.

Is life meant to be meaningful?

2010-10-05T03:26:00.000+05:30

A statement I made to my husband opened up an interesting line of thinking. I’ve been feeling trapped for a while irrespective of my life being quite nice. I told my husband ‘Life seems meaningless’ and he immediately shot back with ‘we under-estimate the power of monotony’. Though I disagreed with him saying that just leading a monotonous life, not expecting big changes or variety everyday need not necessarily mean being happy, I also started asking myself what a meaningful life meant. Of course, when one asks that question one always most likely ends up with the answer that life’s meaning can be different from one person to another. However, a different question emerged in my head. Is life really supposed to have a meaning? Or is it just meant to be lived without reading too much to it. One of the oddities of the human mind is that it is always searching for ways to fulfil the longing of the brain to rationalize whatever it does. Even when life just goes on, we are trying to read into why my life is a particular way and why not some other way. This is of course distinctively different from how a child would think. That brings me to the next question, ‘Is that why children are happier than adults?’ Children tend to get on with life not trying to understand why they do something the way they do, thereby ending up with a variety of experiences. It is of course a pity that the age at which children turn to adults(and thereby asking all these questions of life) is becoming lower and lower nowadays with all of us including the environment in which children are growing up putting pressure on them to think like adults. And I am not even talking here about all those children who are forced to fend for themselves!

A couple of years ago, I was not very clear about what I wanted to do with my life and constantly thought of finding something that will keep me busy and happy. I know I now have something like that with the job I have and the wonderful family I have. But that hasn’t quite stopped the thinking. I now think of how long can this go on and is this really what I ultimately what. I know that I am not one of those ‘happy go lucky’ people as one would put it and probably won’t be able to stop the thinking. However, I am quite enthused that I am thinking enough to understand that this is just a part of being human and that the answers may never make sense after a while. At least, that to me is a start to being able to let go off thinking all the while and trying just to live life. And that is probably what my husband meant by ‘the power of monotony’. The monotony of just living life – as I can see it now, that can be quite powerful in itself!

The man who convinced me to cook!

2010-03-07T13:39:00.003+05:30

No, it is not my hubby Ganesh :) I must admit that he did more than his share to get me interested in cooking, right from cooking himself to making me a food aficionado by restaurant hopping every weekend. To avoid further guessing I’m going to let you into the name straight away. It is this guy called Ramki about whom I read in the ‘The Hindu Metroplus’ a few months ago. Having disclosed this, I am now feeling like I lost an opportunity to do some social networking by creating a poll or nice question which I could have posted on facebook or twitter!

I have to admit that nothing to do with eating or cooking has ever impressed my rational thinking brain more than Ramki’s blog . Ramki is popular for his one page cookbooks and just one look at his blog bowled me completely over. The one thing that has consistently kept me away from the kitchen is the tedious nature of the recipes. This is why at some point when I took a small interest with cooking, I ended up making salads and some tried my hand with stir fry Chinese recipes. As with everything else, my patience is in short supply I guess. Anyway, this exact impatient nature is also what made Ramki’s recipes which are broken down into 3 column A4 page size catch my attention immediately and I wanted to try it out to see if it really works. And guess what? I ended up making Hyderabadi Biriyani and it worked like magic. To me that is the equivalent of reading Microsoft help for a new feature and trying it and it immediately working (reminds me of MS Excel Pivot table help I used once, frankly cooking was much easier!). Having said that, the initial curiosity did not push my laziness enough to become a proper cook but at least this time , I am still working on it.

As for Ramki’s blog itself, apart from the recipes, I was quite intrigued by his background and how he ended up becoming a cook. His story is one of those ‘dot com businessmen going bust and ending up finding a new (and very interesting) way to survive’. Just the novelty of the way he found and how he adapted it to his thinking brain is particularly interesting. Hats off Ramki! You not only convinced me to cook, your thinking is also a shining example of how one can use adversity to one’s advantage if one has the will.

Circle of trust

2009-12-08T20:11:00.002+05:30

A few weeks ago I learnt something about ‘building trust’ in a training program. The trainer spoke about how to build or repair trust and one of the main things that we were taught was that one has to start with oneself (like in all cases) when wanting to build trust. The trainers went on to discuss the tools that can be used to build trust. Many were still apprehensive and questioned ‘What if the person at the other end did not trust me even after I have tried all the methods?' As soon as that question was posed, I immediately realized that we were all doing exactly what we were being taught not to do – not trusting someone else!

Trust begets trust and if we start by thinking the other person does not trust me, then we have already started on the wrong foot. So, when I thought a little more about it, I came up with an analogy. Trust is like a circle. Whether one is trying to build trust with someone for the first time or is trying to repair trust, we have to enter the circle somewhere. We cannot keep speculating about what the other person will do or where the other person is in the circle. By doing so, we are not trusting the other person but we are worried whether there will be reciprocation. However, we often seem to argue about who makes the first move but forget that someone has to enter the circle somewhere to start the cycle.

Having thought this for a while, I realized this is applicable in all sorts of setting including personal relationships, working relationships or for that matter social relationships. For instance, take the example of the imminent climate talks in Copenhagen. We have on one side the developed nations wanting developing nations to cut down carbon emissions and on the other hand developing nations wanting the richer nations to start first. If you think of it from the circle of trust angle, someone has to enter the circle somewhere. It really does not matter at what point in the circle you are, because it is a circle after all! And once someone enters it, the others follow and by virtue of being in a circle we follow each other. This may sound cliched, especially when we think we live in a cut-throat world, but we will never gain trust and action unless we start to trust and start to act ourselves. Because, as the popular adage goes, ‘Change starts with you’!

Now, I’m sure all of you are wondering whether after having done all this profound thinking and talking, I manage to live by these principles. Frankly, I am not perfect and haven’t got it completely right but I am surely trying my best. When I read the editorial in the newspaper today about how across 45 countries 56 newspapers carried the same editorial about the climate talks in Copenhagen, I started thinking how this was so much similar to each of us taking a step towards change in good faith. And just that thinking, I feel, is one of my small steps towards getting better with the ‘circle of trust’ learning.

Politics & Me

2009-10-13T18:55:00.005+05:30

I never thought and still am not completely convinced that I am one of those people who have a keen interest in politics, India or the World. I just get my dose of the news that keeps me in the know. And this is actually a graduation from the levels at which I was a decade ago may be. I think this had to primarily to do with the fact that I was spending those years trying to understand myself first, trying to resolve my own conflicts, before I thought about the country and the world at large. Not that, that journey is over now and I claim to be in a self-actualized state. I just seem to have come to a point where I’ve had enough of thinking about myself and loathing my mistakes and shortcomings. I am more in a space (I think) where I can fathom my emotions and adjust my reactions and then make peace and learn the lessons I need to and move on; more of giving myself a fair shot at life.

Anyway, why I’m writing about this now is that my interest in politics or the political scene in India seem to be going from, should say “love to 15 (0-15; tennis jargon!)”. I talk a bit more with my husband (of course, who else did you think? I’m surely not ready for a debate in the ‘Youth Congress’!) about what’s with the different parties and ideologies. He is more well informed about the world at large than me. We discuss about what kind of people are running our country and what do we want out of them and things like that. Of late, Rahul Gandhi, touted by most to be the next Prime Minister of India, is catching my attention. He has been steering the Congress (especially the next generation of politicians, the younger crop so to speak) in a refreshing direction. I followed with some interest the way he handled the campaigning for the last Lok Sabha elections. He travelled the length and breadth of some states and met the masses, mingled with them on the one hand. On the other, he inspired the youth to put performance ahead of political tamasha to win the confidence of people. He has made quite a few statements until now, about the Congress having more young people in the forefront driving some real change rather than seniority leading to a berth in the ministry. The formula seemed to have worked, with Congress sweeping the polls in Uttar Pradesh which seemed to have become the BSP/SP bastiopn. In fact, BJP was a a close third while Congress had no hold over the state.

Recently, Rahul was in Tamil Nadu and travelled the entire state meeting the masses and members of the Youth Congress in a bid to enrol more people and give the Youth Congress a fresh lease of life. It was also an attempt (I think; I’m still not very well versed with this so I may be wrong) to establish the base for Congress to contest independently in Tamil Nadu in the next elections without the support of the regional parties. This is probably also in lieu of the bigger picture of again making Congress the single party majority at the centre. And in some ways, I think it is better than a coalition set up, which I pretty much equate to the joint family system. It has its own benefits but sometimes, the downsides far outweigh the benefits. Especially, when all in a joint family do not have the same maturity levels and are all trying to further their own agenda, which by no means is the wrong thing, but just the best way of survival. Anyway, coming to Rahul’s visit, I read something very interesting about a meet he had with the Youth Congress members, where senior Congress leader Mani Shankar Aiyar was made to wait outside the venue where the meeting was happening, as the meeting was for people between the age group of 35-45 years(I think). This of course is not a big deal but at least it shows some semblance of using one’s intellect in politics rather than treading the beaten track of pouring forth the same good old bashan (lecture). I may be wrong, because I didn’t get into the details of what was really discussed in these meetings. But what strikes me the most is that with these tactical moves, Rahul seems to have caught the attention of people like me. The people who show no interest in politics because we are too busy brooding about the ills of the system but aren’t ready to get our hands dirty or waste our precious time haggling with people who see no sense in a renewed way of life. Typically, the people who like to call ourselves educated, and not the ones who our politicians are bothered about because we are in the minority. However, Rahul seems to have sparked a feeling in me (and Ganesh feels the same) that this may be the beginning of a different kind of political thinking, a thinking driven by intellect, professionalism, adaptability to the new times. It may not be akin to the blackberry sporting Barack Obama’s sophistication but sure feels to be a little bit better than the politics driven by Hindutva or casteism and fooling the masses with basic amenities (with a little bit of entertainment thrown in with the idiot box!) for the sake of a vote.

Pictures courtesy: http://www.gala.de/stars/aufgeschnappt; www.topnews.in/regions/orissa

Global Citizen – Who & Where?

2009-10-13T18:42:00.003+05:30

A month ago, a group of Dutch Senior Managers doing a management development programme visited Chennai as part of the program to understand how a different culture can teach them lessons for life and thereby management. After all, management at work is a part of managing life!

The group used what is called an Open Space Meeting where a group of people from our office along with the Dutch group discussed various topics related to how we can learn from different cultures. Very interesting and varied ideas came out from this discussion and it was in a way an eye opener to many of us. For me though, it got me thinking about something that I haven’t given much thought to before.
Being part of a global company, I get to work and mingle socially with people from all over the world. I share stories about my country and hear stories of theirs and we exchange notes about dos and donts of our respective cultures. But somewhere, these lines do blur and we are all just conversing as friends and I have made some really good friends from other parts of the world. And when I think a little about what makes this happen; how do people from completely different backgrounds (cultural, social, familial and more) feel more at home with each other, sometimes even more than with their own ilk, one answer keeps coming back to me. People at the end of the day have basic character sets driven by values and experiences and this is what helps us connect with each other. And this, personality as we often call it, is influenced by a lot of different things, like education, social background, childhood experiences, parents, friends and culture (and many more!). However, the culture thing seems to get a lot of focus. People feel there are lot of differences based on culture. Agreed there are, but aren’t all cultures trying to espouse similar things, like leading a happy life, finding peace and harmony, being nice to each other, making the world a better place, etc.? The differences to me are in ways of doing things, depending on the circumstances in which we are, rather than what we stand for.

You may be wondering why and how I ended up thinking so much about (and even writing about) such a thing. Let me try (note, I’m only trying!) to explain. During this open space meeting, the Dutch group was trying to understand how things are different in the Indian culture. And there I was, sometimes completely in tangent with what some of my Indian colleagues were saying. Sometimes so much so that I was wondering if I’ve become this person who doesn’t belong here anymore. I’ve heard people say many times that I’m just very different. I have never been able to fathom who am I different from or what exactly is different about me. Over the years, I’ve started to understand my country and culture more than I cared to do when I was younger. So, when I hear some people say I have a different perspective from my fellow countrymen, I worry if I am being cast aside from where I belong. And though I feel more like someone in the opposite end of the world, I am not part of that country either and may never be, even if (let’s say) I move there. Unless, of course, I become like Barack Obama may be! So, where do I really belong then? Or is this what we mean by a Global citizen? Someone who feels completely lost no matter which part of the world one is in?

Oh yeah, I know I have, as always, completely confused myself and the rest of you. But hey, don’t blame me. I’m just trying to navigate through my mazed mind!

'Liberal-Liberal' as against 'Liberal-Strict'

2009-08-22T19:38:00.002+05:30

I have to, first and foremost, credit the title to my husband Ganesh who popped these words a few days ago when we were discussing some interesting thoughts about religion and beliefs of people, including ourselves. This is the first time I've heard it so I am not sure if it is a jargon that is in wider use or something he came up with. Anyway, it was very enlightening, so I thought a bit more about it.

We were discussing, or rather I brought up the topic of people's beliefs in religion and God and how I, being somewhat agnostic myself, was a little confused about other people's thoughts. Especially with the concept of people converting from one faith to another(within a particular religion, for instance, from being Hindu Brahmin to being Hindu Non-Brahmin). I feel that faith is somewhat personal and it is very abstract and it is in one's head. So to me, when someone says 'From today I follow Faith X as against my original Faith Y', I feel that it is just a change in one's mindset. A change in the way one thinks about things and probably makes decisions, so I don't understand why one would have to explicitly convert or say that they have converted. For me, it is more of a change per se. Like for example, until yesterday one would have believed that one has to speak one's mind at any cost and would have been impatient, but after some experiences, now the same person may have understood that being patient pays off and sometimes one has to learn to hold back on some thoughts. This is really a change in one's thinking and it impacts one's life, but we don't explicitly talk about this change in a larger context.

Coming back to the topic, when I was arguing all this with Ganesh, he simply said something that struck a chord in me. He told me that though I was very liberal in my thoughts I was becoming 'liberal-strict', as in I was making 'liberalism' a religion by itself and was wanting everyone to be liberal. And I think that in a way, it beats the purpose of liberal thinking. Ganesh rightly pointed out that I have to be 'liberal-liberal' rather than 'liberal-strict'. And come to think of it, that is the true essence of being liberal.

I've been giving this some thought and I must admit that though I ultimately let people keep their ideas and I don't really disrespect it, I tend to think aloud, which means I ask a lot of questions, so it also looks like I'm trying to change others' thinking. However, that is really not what I intend to do but it does sure make sense if I put myself in others' shoes and I can understand why Ganesh calls me 'liberal-strict'. As always, some things get me thinking and help uncover part of the maze in my mind. This was one of them and I sure am consciously going to try to become 'liberal-liberal'.

Communication & Power Distance Index

2009-05-28T20:23:00.002+05:30

One more of my ‘I-read-a-book; I-liked-an-idea’ blog posts!

The book I read recently is named the ‘Outliers – The story of success’ by Malcolm Gladwell of the ‘Tipping Point’ fame. I am a big fan of Malcolm Gladwell as I feel he writes about the most complex of concepts in the simplest way and hits the reader hard with his real life examples. In the Outliers, the author tries to throw light on the lives of successful people and shows us how the outliers in any group are not necessarily there just because of their intelligence and hard work but also because of their circumstances in the past. The idea at first sounds a little reckless but once the author starts uncovering the facts one feels like there is some truth to this concept.

Anyway, I’m not going to write a review about the book here. I just wanted to share one thing that I read in the book that made a lot of sense to me. The author speaks about Hofstede’s Dimensions which was developed by the Dutch psychologist Geert Hofstede. He talks about 3 of Hofstede’s dimensions in the book out of which the one on ‘Power Distance Index (PDI)’ is the one that interested me. For the other dimensions, of course, you could read the book. In fact, I recommend it as a really interesting read that will leave you smiling and better for the experience.
PDI is defined as the index of attitudes of each culture towards hierarchy and authority. A lot of questions were asked to people about how they view hierarchy and how they communicate with their bosses or people older than them, how much of inequality in power is tolerated by people in the lower ranks, etc. Based on these questions some countries have been defined to have ‘Low PDIs’ and some as having ‘High PDIs’. Some of the countries in the High PDI list are Brazil, South Korea, Mexico while United States of America, Ireland, Australia are in the Low PDI list.

One of the typical characteristics of communication in cultures with high PDI is that the one in a lower position (as with age or rank) clearly accepts the authority of the one in the higher position and looks to this person for directions or orders. For instance, in such cultures, people who perceive someone as higher in the hierarchy, expect the person to have all the answers. They are also less likely to tell the superior the right answer even if they do know what it is. In some cultures which are very hierarchy driven, the subordinate may not even correct the boss if he/she is wrong and will go down with the boss. They do this to ensure they do not appear rebellious or question the authority of someone who has relatively more experience (either doing a job or just living life).

This whole PDI concept, as I mentioned earlier, is pretty interesting especially given that I work for a multinational organization where people communicate with colleagues around the globe. I almost see this in action when some of my colleagues struggle to communicate clearly. It appears as though they do not have answers but if you dig deeper you realize that they do know the answers but they just let someone, whom they think are higher up in the hierarchy, tell them what to do. This was always a mystery to me but with this concept of the PDI I can see why this is happening. India is surely one of the high PDI cultures, given the fact that many of us have never ever tried to stand up for our choices as against our parents’ because we think that this amounts to bad character or plain simply disrespect for elders. And in such a culture it is not surprising that people who perceive someone as higher up in the hierarchy are treated with the same reverence as an elder at home, i.e. listen and accept without questioning.

So why is this really so interesting for me? In my work, it is imperative that people communicate clearly to ensure that the product we deliver to our customers is of high quality. Come to think of it, this is true for all business, I presume. Now, this understanding of the analogy between Communication & PDI gives us an opportunity to train people not just on business communication but more on cultural standing and their myths, which then will hopefully change the style of communication for improved customer satisfaction. Isn’t that an exciting solution to the puzzle of inappropriate communication, which was hitherto simply attributed to a less than acceptable grasp of the English language?

Winning & Candor

2009-04-03T18:51:00.003+05:30

Candor is described as ‘openness’, ‘frankness’, ‘out-spokenness’, ‘forthrightness’ and so on. For me (especially after reading Jack Welch’s book Winning) candor is almost synonymous to winning itself. And winning not just at work or business but in life itself!

As always, I draw my inspiration for work from life. I’ve always held (more to myself) that the only thing that matters in life – and that includes love, work, social consciousness and the gamut – is being true to oneself and therefore being true with each and every person you come in contact with. Let me clarify something before any of you confuse candor with being a cruel, discourteous, don’t-care-what-you-think attitude. Candor for me is speaking your mind when not speaking could mean the difference between changing the world and being the change you want to see in the world.

We are all faced, time and again, with the choice of listening to our hearts, speaking our minds and taking responsibility for our actions. However, more often than not, we choose not to speak our minds to make sure we are not misunderstood or we don’t hurt a loved one or be rude to a friend or colleague. And we do this all in the name of making someone else’s life easier or better or rather less unpleasant. But think about it! Is not speaking your mind a good enough excuse after all? Or is it just easier for you not to speak your mind? Would you rather let you and your loved one live a make-believe life or your organization fail or be just another ‘we-are-doing-ok’ company than speak candidly and experience the joy of being committed to excellence.

Having said that, I’m surely not claiming that being candid is an easy thing to do or it just makes life so much more enjoyable. On the contrary it does create a lot of pain, sadness, anger or resentment when you speak your mind. But the benefits of doing so far outweigh the unpleasantness that being open creates. For one, someone who is candid and gets into the habit of being so, is respected for being fair and for making the effort to give one’s all to any cause (personal or professional) that one is committed to. From a more work related perspective, candor opens people up, makes the work environment so lively that ideas start coming up faster than they can be executed and over all it just makes everyone feel like having had a fair shot at whatever they are doing. It just cuts out the nice talk and gets everyone down to business much more quickly. Now, just think about the many times you had to sit through gruelling day-long meetings from where you came out thinking that you really didn’t learn anything new or make any real ground breaking decisions but it was nevertheless a nice meeting. Or, weigh that against the fact that most of the time not speaking your mind is after all an act of self-interest, of making your own life easier.

To me those benefits make my decision quite straight forward – the decision to choose candor!

By the way, the book Winning (from where my thoughts on this topic were drawn) is a must read for anyone with an interest in Management. The book is by Jack Welch.

Picture courtesy: http://www.headbutler.com/books/winning.asp

People + Perspectives = Peace or Pain

2008-11-23T21:38:00.000+05:30

I was going to write this blog post when I had felt, a while ago, that my perspective of life, as against someone whom I knew, brought me peace. It is ironical that in just a couple of weeks since then, I now have decided to write this post because I feel my perspectives are bringing me pain, pain and more pain.

I have always tried to reason out every failure, every success, every happy moment and every sad moment. In this course of self-analysis, which for the most part led to a lot of unhappiness, I did also find a lot of things that helped me (or so I thought) piece life together. I also got an opportunity to understand myself and my problems better. I kept asking myself questions even at the risk of going crazy because somewhere I believed in the ‘light at the end of the tunnel’.

In all this thinking and analysis, I also realized that my perspectives are not always right and that not always everything I want is the best for me. In fact many a times I had to swallow my pride and accept that my thinking was wrong (thought it was honest and earnest). Sometimes, I had felt like I had struggled a lot and therefore deserved a lot of fairness in the way life treated me. When I started thinking with this lens on my mind’s eye, I was frustrated, because I was still being given a raw deal. Then with time and more thinking, I started to realize that there is a plan in how the universe unfolded and that I was part of the plan and that I had to first accept my place and purpose in that plan to understand why things were happening the way they were. Ever since then, I have felt a peace that helps me tide over tough times. This doesn’t mean that I don’t feel pain anymore. I would be lying if I said that. For even now, I am experiencing pain like I haven’t before. A very different kind of pain!

The pain I am feeling now was also of my own doing, my perspectives in the past which have ruined my present. However, I feel like I have the strength now to at least think clearly when the pain subsides every few moments. And in that moment I feel peace and that is the peace I’m talking about as related to my perspective now. M perspective now that, “Yes, this is happening to me, and this pain is hurting, but there is a way I can deal with this” gives me strength and a moment of peace. And I hold on to that moment of peace and strength hoping and believing that things will change for the better.

Peace - Can you feel it?

2008-10-06T19:41:00.002+05:30

I've heard so often and read so often that there are certain feelings that cannot be explained and that it just courses through your veins. I always thought (and still think)of myself as one of those people who cannot make sense of abstract things. I have to see things and have to have some tangible factor attached to it. I always had this urge to explain my feelings to people I'm close to; therefore the obsession to give feeling some shape.

Of late, however, I've had this feeling of tranquility and a kind of fulfillment that I am unable to explain. I wake up on a weekend and I'm overwhelmed with joy to be sitting in my garden and reading the paper while I'm enveloped by my small green haven and my two great pals, my pet dogs. I keep looking around my house and feel like I'm blessed with all that is good. I think of my life as it is now and feel like I couldn't have had it better. I'm not sure if I felt this way a year ago. This peace I feel is almost like the sky above my head. I feel it all around me and I catch myself smiling and thanking my stars for what I have. I know I sound bizarre! Frankly, as I said, I can't seem to explain it, but I sure can feel it. I wonder if this just one of those feelings thing that all human beings are used to or if it just a sign of ageing :-)

Whatever it is 'I'm loving it'!

Picture courtesy: http://www.goolooart.net/art/images/peace.jpg

The law of the farm

2008-08-17T12:01:00.006+05:30

I've been reading this book named 'First Things First' by Stephen Covey & others (for quite a while!)and I read something right at the beginning of the book which struck a chord in me. I shared it with a few like minded people and have been itching ever since to share it with a wider audience. It is a simple concept, however, it seems to be so right that it looks stupid to not know it or think about it.

The 'law of the farm' is far too simple to be taken seriously. This law simply explains the natural system whereby one has to sow at the right time, toil hard to grow what he sows and then reap the harvest. The farmer just cannot cheat the natural system and forget to sow and water the seeds at the appropriate time and then one fine day realize that he has to reap a harvest and then overnight sow and water the seeds and hope to reap a rich harvest the next morning.

The author challenges in this book that one could try and apply this law to every single action in life and one will never fail to see that the law does work perfectly. For instance, think of the number of exams in our school or college days for which we crammed over night. I'm sure none of us ever had any use for those pages of so called wisdom we acquired over night as they just served the purpose of getting us past an exam and nothing more. I've done that myself and cannot deny that it was a great feeling when I worked all night and then got through the exam the next day but, in hindsight, that night's work didn't make me more knowledgeable, which in all fairness, is the purpose of education.

Consider another instance of health and staying fit. Years of bad eating habits and no exercise cannot be reversed overnight. Similarly a relationship between two people. When you just take a relationship for granted and not bother to nurture it by giving it care and attention you do not get the happy results you are looking for. I can go on and on with more examples. You can think of a lot of examples too because I've tried to apply this law to any action in life and it seems to fit the bill.

The lesson here is so simple: you cannot sit back, not plan, relax, not toil and expect to reap the benefits over night. Even if you did do it, like in the case of cramming for your exams, ultimately the effort goes waste as you realize that you never achieved what you thought you would or you should. As I read it I was so taken by the law that I literally tried applying it to several situations in life and it made sense every time. I shared it with friends and I could see their heads nodding in agreement. Then, it looked like we all understood how much sense this law makes but it is probably too simple for our complicated lives that we are probably looking for a training program or a discourse to make us think about it at a deeper level!

Picture courtesy: http://persianoad.wordpress.com/2007/10/24/why-india-should-promote-organic-farming/

Passion brings out the best in people

2008-05-03T12:33:00.007+05:30

I finally managed to do an activity for an environmental cause that I have been meaning to do for quite a few years now - the Turtle Walk! This is an activity that has been happening in Chennai for over 2 decades now and it is carried out to save a species of turtle called the Olive Ridley, from extinction. These turtles regularly nest in the beaches of Chennai between the months of January & April and their numbers are dwindling because of the environmental deterioration and the perils of unprecedented development of our cities and towns to satisfy the human needs.

We organized this Turtle Walk in coordination with the Students Sea Turtle Conservation Network [SSTCN] for my office and it was sure a unique experience, though an exhausting one, especially if you are as out of shape as I am :) The Turtle Walk is basically a walk that starts from the Neelangarai Beach and ends in Elliots beach which is a 7 km stretch. Volunteers walk the beach to find Olive Ridley eggs and when they find them they collect and take them to a hatchery at the end of the walk. Also, at the end of the walk, the babies emerging from the eggs are safely directed back into the sea. This is an important exercise as many of these babies don't get to the sea because of the many powerful lights on the beaches nowadays, which they tend to follow. This activity is carried out by the volunteers of SSTCN every day from Jan to April, while volunteers are invited to join them on weekends. Read more about the efforts of this network on http://sstcn.org/. There is also a lot of campaigns for saving these turtles which have been in the news lately, with NGOs like Greenpeace fighting for their cause.

The whole exercise started as something that was exciting and for a good cause, but as soon as I heard the story behind SSTCN things changed. And, it grew into complete admiration as we got to the half-way mark in our 7 km walk. I was totally out with exhaustion and was about to give up. Then, Arun & Akila, who are the coordinators of this network and have been doing this for over a decade now, told me how some of the students who are part of their network have been doing this since they were in standard VI. Some of them are now graduating from colleges! There are a couple of students who actually walk the beach everyday in these 4 months, even when they have exams to give the next day! I was throughly amazed and ashamed all at once. Amazed at how passion drives people to reach for the stars and ashamed at how little I've done for any social cause.

Though I sound disheartened with myself, the bottom line of this post is to highlight and make all of us think and understand how, if we are passionate about something, we tend to go the extra mile to get it. So, lets all make a promise to ourselves today - to find where our passion lies and then go after it! Good luck with all your efforts:-)

Who or what is to blame?

2008-04-15T18:33:00.006+05:30

In today’s age when boundaries are shrinking and the whole world is being transformed into a global village, there are some pertinent questions that seem to evoke mixed reactions in people. I’m obviously one of them (the fact that I am writing about it is proof enough)!

Lately, with an increase in the number of people who globe-trot on business or for pleasure, there are a lot of comparisons that are drawn between our country and the developed nations. Some of the ubiquitous comparisons are over road traffic, pollution levels, hygiene, red tape in the government services, etc. Educated people seem to have arguments about why our country does not measure up to the countries that we try to emulate. And such questions seem to make good dinner topics. However, I start to think about all these things more deeply once in a while and I feel the reasons for our problems are multi-faceted. For instance, traffic unruliness! I am sure we have all faced it. I see many people have started to wear seat belts voluntarily but, when it comes to obeying rules, we all seem to become a little hypocritical. We try to be (if not be!) very polite and courteous and drive sensibly but after a while, when we find that our good behavior is not letting us get to our destinations safely or on time (leave alone getting credit for it), we seem to think that existence is about 'survival of the fittest' and we get into the rat race. Now, who do we hold responsible here? Is it the nation or the people who do not have the conviction to hold on until better times befall us? Most of the times, I am tempted to think that 'Common Sense' is what is not common to all and that is at the root of the problem! Now that again cannot plainly be blamed on people when more than half the population of this country are waging a battle everyday to put food in their plates as against learning to read and write.

One more example is the constant complaints we get, from friends and relatives who live abroad, about the way people try to bypass the systems here, to get things done. Agreed; there is an easier way out for everything in our country, but is it just the people's fault alone? We start by trying to fill form after tedious form and then run from pillar to post to find the right person to give it to. And, through all this we get little help, and what little assistance we get is with a lot of reluctance from people who seem to think of their public postings as pedestals of pride. Privatisation was touted as the panacea for all the misgivings of the public system. However, time has revealed that customer service is more an attitude of an individual and culture of a company than the private or public status of an organization. A system is beneficial to people only when it works efficiently, and when it does not, people just find better ways to get the job done. Now, turning to all the NRIs for whom home-coming is a nightmare of long queues to get important things sorted out (like PAN cards & Voter IDs), India is just a land of never-ending problems. But, I feel that it is very difficult for people outside of a system to understand the way the system works. How you see it is not exactly how the system works or does not work. Also, think about it; if you (meaning one of the NRI's) were here going about all your daily responsibilities and then also have to brave the vagaries of the system to get your work done, how much patience would you have to fall in line all the time? of course, I am not glorifying the system or the people(who haven't made it to the NRI status) of the country, but I am just asking people to think about the country and its whole working in a much broader perspective. In a country where more than 50% of the population do not even know how it feels to be self-sufficient, how can the country's system place more emphasis over issuing hi-tech identity cards. Isn't it more important to press more people into services to eradicate communicable diseases and make education reach the billions and the likes?

I know this sounds like lauding the status quo instead of trying to encourage improvement, but that it surely not my intention. Instead, it is just my opinion that we should feel proud of what we have achieved as a nation in the last decade instead of constantly holding the country at fault for all problems. We should accept the blemishes as much as we ennoble the beauty of this nation and take responsibility for action whenever and where ever we can. And, come to think of it, isn't this exactly the way human beings themselves evolve(accept and ameliorate)?

Picture courtesy: http://www.worldmapstore.com/products/Know_India.html

Happiness at the cost of dinner!

2008-03-21T19:04:00.009+05:30

This post could be unarguably the most important of the ones I've written until now in my blog. I am both happy and more conscious and aware of my life on this planet after the experience I had on 10 Mar 2008; the day is possible the most 'well-lived' day of my life until today. And all it took was a small step. That is why I want to share this experience with all of you so that you could also take that step.

I have been sponsoring a child for about two years now through an organization called World Vision(WV). I must add here that this organization has really shown me how a not-for-profit business can be as professionally run as any other business that is run for profit. Coming to the main subject, this organization helps people like us who are fortunate to have the many luxuries of life sponsor those children who are getting left behind because of the circumstances in which they happen to be born. And this organization not only helps children go to school, they also adopt entire villages and use the funds to develop the whole community through self-help-groups and community initiatives like building toilets, etc. The organization does not stop with taking donations and giving tax exemption receipts in return. They help you bond with the child you sponsor by sending regular progress reports of the child, letters from the child and arranging visits to the child's home if one is interested. This is something interesting as it gives one a feeling of being personally responsible for the child( though one can choose to discontinue sponsorship anytime). It is almost like adopting a child and giving him or her a life which he/she can be proud of and happy with.

So, March 10th was the day I decided to give my sponsor child Maruthupandian a visit as Ganesh(my hubby) and I were traveling to Trichy for a wedding and this village was only an hour's drive from there. The run up to the day was filled with anxiety as I was not sure what to expect; how would the child and his family feel? how would i handle the whole thing? a lot of questions were running in my head. Finally after lunch on Monday(March 10) one of World Vision's staff took us to the child's home. I was so overwhelmed when I saw the child waiting just at the entrance to the road where he lives and on seeing the WV marked jeep running cheerfully ahead to show us the way. His mom and his 3 year old sister were also with him. then we got off the jeep and headed towards his home. I was shocked to see the whole neighborhood was waiting for us. And I was given a VIP welcome bouquet and all. My eyes welled up and when I entered the house, instantly tears gave way to shock. Because, the house was smaller than my bathroom back home. But the warmth and happiness of all gathered was thick in the air and I was more than happy. We had bought some gifts for the child and his sister and the family. i gave them all, all the while smiling away with joy like I've never experienced before. Then came a big surprise!!! The family had got me a gift! It was a small but beautiful gift. Then I started relaxing as we got talking - about the child's school, his daily life, his family's occupation, his sister and also about the other neighbor's story. I know I am going on and on without making any big point. It's just that I haven't been able to put the feelings I felt that day, in that house, into words yet. And I don't think I will be in the future. It was just a great experience which made me feel so happy with myself and my life. A feeling of a truly well-lived day. Also, a lesson in how I'm wasting life cribbing about small things when there are so many people with much more pressing needs.

By the way, do you know how much I give from my pocket each month for this wonderful feeling of joy and happiness? Six hundred rupees - lesser than what we all spend on an average for dinning out every week! Think about it. And then if you want to act on it log onto www.worldvision.org.

Rise India!

2008-02-20T12:37:00.001+05:30

I happened to watch a movie a month ago on Republic Day(Jan 26th) in my favourite multiplex(Satyam Cinemas). It was the late night show(10 pm) and I was in for a surprise. Just before the movie was screened, everyone was requested to rise for the National Anthem. It was surprising on two counts. One, to see an entertainment house being so thoughtful as to acknowledge our Republic Day while for many of us (including me), it is just another day when you get a day off from work. I guess that is one of the ways Satyam Cinemas continuously innovates and differentiates itself from its competitors (also why I seem to be obsessed with the place!).

The second reason why I was surprised (actually this was the most surprising) was because I heard quite a few people signing along. For me, this was an eye-opener because I guess I presumed until now that when we grow up we just hum or sing along the National Anthem in our heads. I thought that, unlike the days in school when one was forced to sing the National Anthem aloud, when one grows old one tends to be shy or embarrassed to raise one's voice in public! However, I guess I was wrong.

This experience made me realize how, for some people, patriotism is prime and it matters for these people to let their patriotism show, no matter who the audience. If you thought the last statement was a criticism, I would like to clarify that it is not and that I meant it as a sincere compliment. Kudos to all you guys who do it!

I also learnt from this experience how when certain things are not forced on you, you just choose to do it yourself because you so strongly believe in it as the right thing to do. And, for me this is a powerful thought, as in many ways, it also applies to religion, race, art and all beliefs that work around them.

By the way, the next week I went to another movie in Satyam again and realized that the National Anthem was still being played. Ganesh (my hubby) observed that this may be a practice that they had adopted for the last show of the day. I guess I have to wait to watch the next late night movie in Satyam to confirm that!

Weighty Issue

2008-01-25T16:49:00.000+05:30

Something very interesting happened at work today. A colleague who is an extrovert and who is quite easy going and cheerful got upset when another colleague commented something about her weight. I guess he touched a raw nerve. It got me thinking about how many of us get quite emotional about our weight, whether we voice it or not.

When all the other colleagues in my team were trying to diffuse the brewing storm by saying that these comments are usually just for fun and that it does not really conclude anything, the colleague who was upset said something that sounded quite true to me. She said that those of us who have never been teased about our weight would not understand what it feels like. I first thought that she was becoming too emotional (though I refused to comment about the whole topic), but after a few minutes of quiet thinking I realized she was right. Having been there (ie being teased about my weight) I do know how it feels at times when it touches a part of you that you have no control over. It is like this moment when you have just taken enough of all that teasing and advising about your weight when you just explode and don’t want to hear another word about it.

My thoughts, however, didn’t stop with that and I realized that whoever made such a comment also meant no serious harm. It is just that such weight related jokes and the ‘overly-healthy’ (I don’t want to use the word fat!) people who are the butt of such jokes have been taken for granted and that nowadays not being able to tolerate such jokes are dismissed as ‘not sportive’. However, like always, I would like to think that this is just another human characteristic – one not being sensitive to issues that one does not face oneself! And, a debate around such a topic would only result in souring a conversation which would have otherwise been a healthy and relaxing repartee.

Picture courtesy: www.8decor.com/pd_weight.cfm

Movies & Me!

2007-12-28T11:52:00.001+05:30

I had been one of these people who didn't take movies very seriously until about a few years ago. In fact, I should put it that until my marriage I didn't see a lot of movies; especially English movies. Thanks to Ganesh, my husband, I am now watching movies by the dozen every month.

In my school and college days, I watched movies just for entertainment or for my favorite hero. Then, once I crossed that phase, I lost interest in movies as a whole because I thought it was a waste of time. I also became this person who thought that saying, 'I don't watch movies at all!' was fashionable and made me look like an intellectual person ;) Of course, I now know that I was stupid and it was one of those 'keeping up with the joneses' act that I got into at that time. Anyway, because of my skewed thinking, I had until then just watched movies for entertainment and didn't think of movies as a medium of powerful expression of ideas. Frankly, I never explored my creative side until quite late in my life. And once, I started thinking more creatively, I started appreciating art forms including cinema. Now, I look at actors (the good ones) as absolutely terrific people who are able to convey a message so poignantly. It is amazing, especially how Hollywood actors, carry off their roles so wonderfully that for the hour and a half that a movie lasts you are almost living the story as if it was real.

I have come to watch movies with a real critical eye nowadays. I am not sure if this is called being creative or if it just comes with age. However, I don't watch all genres of movies. My favorites are drama kind of movies which are closer to reality, though I also like comedy and thrillers which are well made. I now watch movies, and go, "Wow!! That was a great movie that conveyed such a powerful message that I also keep reading in so many books and I discuss with like-minded people so seriously." I am not sure if this just the 'movie magic' that seems to have gotten me; but I think it is more of an overall refinement that comes with age, knowledge and experience. The kind of knowledge that gets you to pick up or identify yourself with the ideas and thoughts that interest you the most and that you keep pondering about, irrespective of what medium that knowledge comes from.

I guess one of the down sides of all this gyan I have acquired is that I now have one more commitment to keep to myself - Watch all the good movies that have been made until now and that would be made in the future! Whew! now that is one hell of a task that will eat up so much of my time. But, I guess it is worth it.

Images from : http://www.biggeststars.com/w/woody-allen-photo-14.html
www.canmag.com/news/4/3/3386
www.webindia123.com/movie/profiles/south/kamal.htm

Quotes from 'My Hero'

2007-12-06T19:43:00.000+05:30

I happened to see an interview of Kamal Hasan in a Malyalam channel when I was on holiday in Kerala recently. As usual, I was bowled over by his thought provoking views. I seem to be going very close to idolizing him!

I just wanted to put down two quotes from his interview as it struck me as very profound. So here go.

1. To a question about religion(I didn't hear the question fully as I just then switched on the TV), he said, "Would anyone ask a man if he is a man or a woman or what he did with his wife yesterday night? Religion is just as personal. No one should ask anyone else about it." I thought this was a beautiful way of looking at religion and that if everyone thought of it this way, may be we will have more peace and harmony in our universe.

2. The host questioned him about whether he was afraid of aging. To which he answered, "No. Why would I? I look at life as a journey and death as a part of that journey; So, I can't be scared of it. Every sentence has a full stop, otherwise the sentence will become boring. It's the same with life." I was so enthralled with this analogy, I couldn't stop thinking about it. So, obviously the next thing was to blog about it.

I am not sure how this goes down with all of you, but because I caught myself thinking so much about it, I thought it wouldn't be a bad idea to put it down for those of you who would want to reflect on it.

Panda's Punctuation Predicament

2007-11-19T22:23:00.000+05:30

I am one of those people who takes the English language quite seriously. By this I mean that I am quite particular about speaking and writing good(i.e. correct) English. And of late, I find that this quality is being scorned at by many. This, I presume is because people think that English is after all a 'second language' for many of us and that we should not be too passionate or pushy about it. Whichever way people look at it, I believe it is their choice. After all, we live in a democratic country!

I, however, happened to lay my hands on this book by Lynne Truss named 'Eats, Shoots and Leaves'. It is a book on 'The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation'. I was quite excited by the story of the panda that was on the back cover of this book. It 'hit the nail right on the head' about how important punctuation is to the English language. I liked it so much that I am just reproducing it here for all of you who haven't read the book or heard the story yet.

A panda walks into a cafe. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and fires two shots in the air.
"Why?" asks a confused waiter, as the panda makes towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder.
"I'm a panda," he says, at the door. "Look it up".
The waiter turns to the relevant entry and, sure enough, finds an explanation.
"Panda. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves."

Now, for those of you who understood the story, I guess I don't have to say more. For the rest, you should buy a copy of the book and read it. Period.

P.S. Story as published in the book 'Eats, shoots and leaves' by Lynne Truss

The 'Think Different Chanllenge'

2007-11-10T15:35:00.000+05:30

I got this mail from Tristan Loo of http://www.synergyinstituteonline.com urging me to accept a challenge to 'Think Differently' about something in my life. You can read more about this on http://www.synergyinstituteonline.com/pressroom.php?press=185.

In short, the challenge is about changing your perception about something that has had negative connotations. Coincidentally, there is something that I have thought about differently in the recent past. So here I am, telling you about how I have been 'Thinking Differently'.

I have in the recent past thought a lot about why I am so disappointed with people around me all the time. I realized, as always, that the answer lies within me. I was always trying to make people see my viewpoint in everything. I wanted people to think the way I think about everything. When someone thinks or acts differently from the way I do, I start to find it difficult adjusting to that person. I have to find a justification for my stance as compared to his/hers. So, this made it difficult for me to accept people easily and I used to be uptight and always judging people.

Now, I have started to realize that different perceptions of different people is what makes life interesting. Ganesh, my husband, always used to say, 'Why does one have to like or do the same thing as the other person? Could I just not do what I like and still be happy with what you do or who you are?' I think he is absolutely right. I have now started to understand that every human being thinks differently and each one has the right to do that as well. If I learn to accept people as they are, I would be able to see the beauty of variety in life.

I am presently reading this book titled 'Built to Last' by Jim Collins & Jerry I. Porras. There is a chapter in the book about the 'Tyranny of the OR'. It speaks about how visionary companies don't hold the 'rational view that cannot accept paradox, that cannot live with two seemingly contradictory forces or ideas at the same time. The authors talk about how visionary companies don't oppress themselves with the "Tyranny of the OR", instead, they liberate themselves with the "Genius of the AND" - the ability to embrace both extremes of a number of dimensions at the same time'. I feel this is true of people as well. When I embrace the 'Genius of the AND' I am less demanding of myself and others. I am able to be at peace with myself and not battle constantly as to whether I am right or wrong as relative to another person's behaviour. Life suddenly seems easier when I do this - accept people the way they are and believe that what makes me interesting and unique is the way 'I am'!

I have consciously tried to think differently in this way for the past month or two and I must admit it is not so easy. But, I am improving and I think I would soon reap the benefits of this changed thinking. I hope you find something to think differently too. I am sure it will change your life for the better.

P.S. Do join the 'Think Differently Challenge' by reading more about it on http://www.synergyinstituteonline.com/pressroom.php?press=185
Picture courtesy:- dc-mrg.english.ucsb.edu/.../leguin/leguin.html

LIFE in my mazed mind

2007-10-27T20:45:00.000+05:30

What is it about life that makes it so complicated? I'm starting to believe it is the human mind which makes it that way because the network of neurons in the brain are not just that; they are the ones which seem to make the mind a maze. And, I'm one of those slow ones (or should I say unlucky ones?) for whom finding the way out of the maze seems to be a Herculean task.

I am constantly endeavoring to find the purpose of my life. However, at times, this endeavor is crushed by deep depression because I'm not able to balance it out with life's everyday pressures. I'm at a juncture in life from where I cannot see a road ahead, let alone making a choice of taking one. Future seems bleak. I don't seem to figure out what I want to do with life or how I want to live it. However, hope doesn't seem to fade. I'm expecting to wake up one fine day and see the road ahead which I am supposed to take and then the road turning for a better tomorrow. I am not sure if this way of thinking is my undoing, but not clinging to this hope, I feel, is suicidal.

I believe that such conflicting feelings are the ones that make up the essence of life; the darkness of the lack of direction and the light of hope that struggles to balance it out. Guess that is what the Chinese yin-yang theory of life portrays!

Picture courtesy: www.uefap.com/speaking/exercise/mazes/mazes.htm

My encounter with death

2007-10-09T09:43:00.001+05:30

Death and a dead person can shake you up like no living being ever can. I learnt this first hand, couple of weeks ago when I lost a cousin who also happened to be my good friend. And, the fact that the death was neither natural or accidental, doubled the tragedy.

The death of this guy plunged me into shock and grief like I've never known before. I felt(still feel) a pall of gloom engulf me and stir memories and emotions on a scale that I just could not control. This was a guy who was a part of my life, with whom I had shared stories, life's experiences and gossip in my teenage years. Then, for close to a decade, I had lost touch with him. Life's routine chores and other human priorities were the culprits, as usual. And, now that he is gone, I feel like there is a gaping hole in my life; an emptiness I feel I should have filled with answers for several questions about his life in the past decade.

My encounter with this loss of a life is not the first, but all the ones I've experienced before somehow did not have this effect on me; may be because those people were not so close to me or because their deaths were natural. Also, this time I somehow saw the various angles to such an incident. The grief and pain of the loss vying for space with the rumor mill working overtime to put a reason to his sudden death and the consequences of his passing away. I felt the pain of the other people who were grieving equally or more than me. I could see how one person's life affects several other people's lives in many different ways. While I was grieving as a friend, there was his wife grieving for the loss of the love of her life, his parents crest fallen over the loss of a beloved son, his brothers shocked at the passing away of a sibling with whom they had shared the ups and downs of their childhood and adulthood.

I can now understand this email that has been doing the rounds in the internet for a long time (about a guy who kept thinking of calling his friend daily but never got around to doing it until one day he learns the friend is no more) much better as I feel exactly like that man. A person who lost an opportunity to connect with a human being who was once a dear friend. I could go on grieving endlessly because I still haven't been able to come to terms with my loss. However, I have chosen to stop because I want the lesson from this incident to sink in. I want everyone reading this blog to think about all that I have said and realize that what or who you take for granted today may not be there for you tomorrow.

Fundamental Attribution Error(FAE)

2007-08-21T19:42:00.001+05:30

I read this book named 'The Tipping Point' by Malcolm Gladwell, a couple of weeks ago. It is a book on 'how little things can make a big difference'. I read about this term called FAE which psychologists describe as the tendency of human beings to invariably make the mistake of overestimating the importance of fundamental character traits and underestimating the importance of situation and context while interpreting other people's behaviour.

Lets see if I can make this more simple to grasp. A couple of researchers named May and Hartshorne ran a few tests on about eleven thousand school children all designed to measure honesty. The results were quite revealing in terms of how all children cheated but all in different situations. So the results read something like 'most children deceive in certain situations and not in others. Some cheat in arithemtic tests and some in spelling. When a child deceives depends on his intelligence, age, home background, etc.'.

Now to understand FAE, imagine about how you would describe a friend or a co-worker. You would probably describe your friend as honest instead of saying 'my friend is honest in her personal life but slips a few times in her professional life'. Now, that is what FAE is all about; the tendency to make observations on human behaviour based on inherent traits and forget the role of situations. However, reserachers believe this is a way of deceiving ourselves about the real causes of human behavior. So, when we observe someone who is very serious looking, unapproachable, fiercely independent and sometimes very funny and helpful and caring we try to reduce the description to one absolute term such as unapproachable OR funny. We don't think of the situations in which this person is while portraying those traits.

The whole FAE thing explains how character is not a stable, absolute thing and changes with situation and context. According to the author Malcolm Gladwell 'Character is more like a bundle of habits and tendencies and interests, loosely bound together and dependent, at certain times, on circumstance and context'. And also, the author suggests that most of our characters seem stable because we are able to control our environment.

I am so interested in this whole concept because it makes so much sense. I feel I do this so often. I observe a co-worker, find him or her to be so competitive so as to cut a few corners to get something done and I start labelling them as 'mean and bad'. Then, I get an opportunity to observe them in a different environment like a friendly get together and the person seems to share the same interests as mine and is so friendly that I start to wonder if I was wrong about what I thought he/she was. I start to question my character as too judgemental or too intolerant to imperefections. Now, with this FAE explanation it seems that the way my brain works is how the brains of all Homo Sapiens was meant to work. It makes it easier for me to understand people and come to terms with the bad and good in each of us. Now, that takes a lot of pressure of my 'mazed mind'!

Thoughts and quotes courtesy: The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell

'Cast Away' philosophy

2007-08-21T18:45:00.000+05:30

I watched the movie 'Cast Away' a couple of days ago. I liked the last few lines that Tom Hanks spoke. It sounded so true and so right. So, I just decided to write it down in my blog.

I'm sure many of you have already seen the movie, but for those of you, who like me, are still catching up on 'lost movie years', here is the storyline. This is a movie about a man who is 'cast away' in an uninhabited island after a plane crashes into the Pacific Ocean (I hope I got that right). He survives in the island for 4 years after which he finds a ship that rescues him. And this is what he says to his friend when he finds out that his lady love whom he thought about day and night in the lonely island is now married happily with a baby girl. He tells his friend that soon after he found he was stuck in this lonely island he decided to kill himself and hung himself from a tree. But the tree branch broke and he realised he did not have the power to even kill himself. So he decided that some bizarre logic was telling him to live on and hope to be rescued. So he started finding ways to stay alive and then one day a tide brings along a broken sheet which he used as a sail for a boat that he builds to reach a ship which then rescues him. So now when his friend asks him how he is going to cope with the loss of his lady love he replies, " I am just going to try to stay alive because the sun will rise and who knows what the tide will bring with it tomorrow?!"

I guess that is how we all ought to live; with hope that the sun will rise to bring us a new day and the tide will bring us a new sail to help us get to our ship of dreams.

Picture courtesy: http://www.itenuscars.com/cast_away.jpg

Dead Dads Club

2007-08-04T04:14:00.000+05:30

I am a part of this club! I am quite sure many of you understand what that means. For those of you who prefer straight talk; it just means that I am among the many who have lost their Dads.

I caught this phrase yesterday in a TV series (Grey's Anatomy) I was watching. In this story, a guy loses his father to cancer and then a friend tries to break the ice by saying, 'Welcome to the Dead Dads Club'. I quite liked the way she said it. In fact, what she said next got me thinking more about the topic. The guy who had just lost his father says, 'I don't know a world that does not have my father in it!'. The friend replies, 'It isn't very different!'. How true?! The world isn't different because my father is not in it, but, I am different because my father is not in it.

I am sure many of you who are fortunate enough to have both your parents would probably find it difficult to understand this. Whereas, for many like me who lost his/her father when when he/she was just a year old (or more) this probably would make perfect sense. However, let me make this very clear. I am not trying to say that I had a miserable childhood because my Dad was not there or because my Mom did not do enough. In fact, I never thought too much about not having a Dad until a few years ago. As I age and probe life more, I seem to think much about how all sorts of things influence the person you are or you are trying to be.

The saying that a coin has two sides is true here as well. Not having someone in your life has both pros and cons. For instance, having a Dad would have given me another perspective of life, one different from my Mom's. Having a Dad would have made me understand my personality traits better, because now I don't even know why I act or think in certain ways that my Mom would never do. However, on the up side, not having a Dad has made me learn the virtues of courage, strength and the never-give-up attitude from my Mom who has made us (my sister and I) good human beings. Not having a Dad has made me realize how important it is not to take people who are there for me for granted. Think about it! I don't know what it means to call someone 'DAD', whereas there are millions who don't give a second thought to that word. So, I've come to understand, as always, that there is a reason behind everything that happens in one's life. The key thing is to learn to grasp life from different angles and then accept change in a way that is salubrious to your soul.

Picture courtesy: http://pbskids.org/arthur/friends/dad/images/dad_coloring.gif

Insignificant catalysts for significant catharses

2007-07-23T04:56:00.000+05:30

At last, I managed to climb over the so-called writers' block (have I started to exaggerate my ability to write some decent English sentences?). Never mind. Let's just get to the real story.

I've been away from home for nearly a month now. I am with my sister and her family for a short break (don't ask me from what!). I have loads of time on my hands with nothing to do except play with my two year old nephew and catch up on family gossip with my sister and brother-in-law(BIL). However, this rather new experience of being quite far away from home and in a country where I don't have a license to drive (therefore can't venture out much)and a weather that doesn't leave much to desire, there is nothing much to do except think more. And thinking I am! And all the thinking is leading to lot of confessions to my own self.

I have realized that I never gave much credit to simple things in life and how they can play a role in shaping my mind. I guess all this quiet time is opening my eyes. Ever since I've come here, lots of events like bonding with my nephew, arguing about life with my BIL and watching my sister unassumingly lead a life of relative clarity and peace, have helped me see my life from a different perspective. I have started to understand the significance of what it means to see someone else's viewpoint.

Simple daily events, movies which I used to label as just 'time-pass', suddenly seem to be teaching me life lessons. Like this simple love story I watched today a while ago. Contrary to my usual self which would have rated the movie critically, I used the theme to understand my relationships and what I have been doing wrong. It even triggered me to open up and confess my feelings for some important people in my life.

These daily events are starting to help me clear my hypocritical ideas about life and are making me understand that I am after all human and an imperfect one at that. I am starting to understand that I have to fulfill all the other needs as outlined by Abraham Maslow in his famous theory, before I fulfill my self-actualization need. After all, all things in life follow a step-by-step pattern, isn't it?

Picture courtesy: www.croatia-beauty.com/.../-Clearing-sky.html

Inspiring lives

2007-05-28T19:27:00.000+05:30

Some people make such an impact in our lives that we can't resist telling the world about them. I have been touched by two such people in my life. One a very very dear friend whom I've known for quite a while and another a wonderful soul I happened to be acquainted with very recently. I am sharing their stories here because I believe that such people truly inspire those of us who are looking for more meaning in our lives.

Gopi, my dear friend is someone whom I am very proud of and one who has been there in every turn and twist in my life. Though I have never admitted this to him before (because he is such a proud character himself! just kidding;)) I have always been propelled forward in many an endeavor of mine just by reminding myself of his determination and his zest for life. Now, here is what you should know about him to be motivated yourself.

Gopi has polio in both his legs and until a few years ago could not walk a few yards without wearing himself thin. But you can hardly make that out if you talk to him. I for one, never seem to even remotely remember this. And this is because of how much he makes everyone laugh with his sense of humor and his joie de vivre. He finished his schooling through a private tutorial, went on to complete his degree through correspondence and then learnt computers and took up a teaching job with a small computer center close to his home. He later went on to work for Pentasoft(a popular software training centre) for a couple of years, again as a faculty. And mind you, he is not just average at his work; he is outstanding. He did a great job for a couple of years and then decided to take a big risk. He opted to go into surgery to make himself walk without the heavy calipers he was walking with until then. The surgery made him immobile for nearly a year and then it was back breaking time spent in rehabilitation. However, I still remember how cheerful and determined he was in his rough journey throughout those 2-3 years. Unfortunately, he didn't gain as much mobility as he had intended to but is surely better than before. And now, he is into his own business and is also earning name and money through his technically sound blog http://lagopi.blogspot.com. I am so proud of him and always feel gifted to have a friend like him. And when I look at my life compared to his, I feel ashamed about the times when I complained of ill luck or when I was down thinking that God was being unfair to me.

The next person whose story I want to share with you all is that of 28 year old Sanam Karunakar whom I happened to meet in Orkut. I happened to read her profile because she runs a pet sitting business from home in Mumbai. Of course, you all know why that interested me! I was so kicked about the business she was running because she was offering something I have always wanted someone to offer in Chennai. Now, little did I pay attention to her picture until I started reading about her. Sanam is a victim of a horrible car crash that happened 12 years ago, in which she lost both her parents and her dog and was paralyzed chest down. But that didn't stop this cealous lady from pursuing her dreams. She went on to get a Bachelors degree in Commerce for starters. Her dream however was to become a veterinarian, but that was not to be because of the accident. So she chose the next best career that would allow her to be close to the creatures she loves. Sanam also happens to be the first person in India who has a assist dog named Magic. Magic has been trained to assist Sanam in her daily activities like opening and closing doors, picking up things she drops. Magic is also the one who helps her with her pet sitting business, making Sanam's pooch clients feel at home. Sanam's services are very sought after in Mumbai because of the homely atmosphere the pets get in her house. They are not tied and are treated just like her own. That is the secret of her success. Of course, the other reason for her success is out there in the open for all of us to see. Her determination! You can read more about Sanam and her pet sitting business in www.perfectpooch.co.in.

Now, ain't these two inspiring souls, who will put all of us to shame every time we crib about our misfortune or give umpteen number of reasons as to why we haven't achieved what we want in life? At least, I sure am ashamed about all those times when I cried for nothing at all! So, I've learnt and decided that the best approach to life is S.U.M.O. - Shut Up & Move On!

Where is the line?

2007-05-14T21:45:00.000+05:30

I am almost 100 per cent sure that all of us have faced this question sometime or the other in our lives. Be it with children or with pets, friends or relatives. Where, when and how do you draw the line between love, affection, care and discipline and control? I have faced this myself a lot before and a week ago I was again faced with this question. This time however it got me thinking a little more.

We all care a lot about some people in our lives. We want them to be happy and try our best to share our life experiences with them so thaat they can have a better shot at their life. But, honestly, there are times when I feel like I am being too judgemental about what a younger sibling or a close friend knows. I feel like I have to teach it all because I don't want them to go through the hardship and heartache that I went through. I try hard to make them see sense in what I am preaching. All this happens quite often and it happened again a couple of weeks ago. But this time, I genuinely let the other person(a close cousin, almost like a younger sister) decide and told myself that I have to let go and let her live her life. So I did not utter a word though I felt uncomfortable about some decisions she had made and was worried she was trying to emulate others rather than choose what she really wants. But then, bang!!! Few weeks after we had all accepted her decision it sort of back fired. And now, it was a question of a lifetime for her, though she had the opportunity to set it right as soon as possible. I, having been close to her and cared a lot for her and feeling a sense of responsibility, try to make her see sense in what is happening. But she refuses and sticks to her guns. I am worried and think all day long as to how I can get her to change her decision. However, contrary to my usual behavior, I don't react too fast. I let it all cool off. That is when I think about the question I just posed to all of you here. Where is the line? The line between caring for someone and controlling their decisions, albeit for their own good.

I decided(after quite a bit of running around in my 'mazedmind') that I have a right to voice my opinion when I am not happy with a loved one's decision. I also have the right to explain the consequences as I see it. But then, the line is drawn there. I can go no futher than that. I have to just feel contended with having done my bit and let him/her walk his/her path. And then accept the person for what he/she is even if his/her decision turns out to be wrong as I had forewarned it would be.

Now, that is a big idea for all of us raising kids. I now understand what it means to be a parent and how well my Mom has raised me! Kudos to you 'My great Mom!'

Love more; Learn more!

2007-04-27T19:46:00.000+05:30

I am going to make this real simple. I did a losuy mistake and made Ganesh's birthday a miserable one because I went over board with my own frustrations. Should have been more patient. First lesson. Second lesson. A simple thought expressed by Ganesh which made a powerful impact. He was upset about certain things that had happened in the run up to his birthday. Some statements had hurt him and then my stupid shouting on his birthday. He calmly took it all (actually another lesson for me; not to get too emotional) but broke out the next day and told me what had hurt him. I immediately got into explaining why he shouldn't feel that way because what he had understood was not what I had meant. After all my emotional outpouring, he just said one thing. And that one thing is the lesson I wanted to share with you all. He said "I told you what I felt. I dont know if it is right or wrong. But that is what I felt and you can't tell me not to feel like that, because it is a feeling and I can't stop it." I thought that made sense. Especially because it came from a loved one with whom one wants to share one's joys and sorrows. Think about it. May be it will hit home with you or may be not.

Why do men do that??!!

2007-04-17T22:00:00.000+05:30

This was the topic of one of Oprah Winfrey's shows that I watched on TV recently. I am sure all of you know about this show. It is a great talk show and the lady 'Oprah' is one of my favourites. I have drawn a lot of inspiration from her shows. Now, this particualar show where three celebrity guys - Jay Leno (the host of the 'Late night show' on which 'Movers & Shakers' hosted by Shekhar Suman was based on), Brian McKnight (a singer I am not too familiar with) and Rick Reilly (of 'Sports Illustrated') answered questions of several woman viewers on why men do certain things they way they do - got me laughing hard.

Before I start saying anything more about how I felt, let me list here some of the questions that these guys answered. I am sure once my women friends read the questions they will pretty much know how I felt. Ok guys, I am not leaving you'll out. I know you will laugh for your own reasons but I would identify more with the women on this topic; that is why a special mention of them. Ok, here are the questions -

1. Why do men go to strip clubs?
2. Why do men watch dirty stuff(I am not saying the P word, lest my blog be banned for inappropriate content;)) on the Internet or on TV?
3. Why are men obsessed with golf or any other sport?
4. What is the matter with the whistles and cat calls men make when they look at women?
5. Why do men grow lazy after they say 'I do'?
6. This one is sort of dicey - what do men think about after sex?

The answers these guys gave were so funny because it was so true. All of us women who are married and living with our husbands would agree. Like the bit about men not helping with work at home. One woman complained about how her husband who used to do a lot of his work himself before marriage started walking past a pile of dirty clothes (after marriage) and would tell his wife he didn't see it when she questioned him. Guess what one of these guys answered to that! He said that if the husband said he didnt see the clothes, he really meant it. Brain, the singer says men are simple human beings who just speak their mind without pretending. So if your husband is telling you he didnt see something, he really didn't see it. When I really thought about it for a moment, I felt it was so true.

Hear this one. This made me smile. The one about 'Why do men go to strip clubs?'. There was this woman who broke up with her boyfriend who went to a strip club. Now how many of us agree with that??? If it is ok to admit here, I wouldn't care too much if my husband did it. After all it is a man's way of entertaining himself like women would gossip non-stop to relax themselves. And that is exactly what the celebrity guests said!

The one about obsession with golf or any sport was good. The 'Sports Illustrated' guy said something which made me burst into laughter. He said that men like keeping scores and that is why they keep going back to play. They just tell each other at the end of a game, "You won today and I lost, so lets play tomorrow so that I can beat you". They don't discuss it further like women. And the example he gave was - after a game of football no two coaches say to each other "you did that in the 3rd quarter of the game that made us lose". Now that sounded so familiar to me. What say you all my lady pals?

There was another question which was really interesting. Why do men not cuddle more often? And why do they cuddle only when they want to take it to the next step? The answer was - 'Because cuddling doesn't come naturally to men and when they do it they are thinking of more than just cuddling!! It may look cute to a woman, but the man's physiology is humming a different tune'. Now all you women out there, beware when a guy says he friends with you and hugs you:)

I quite enjoyed the show and I am sure it would be more entertaining for you to read about it yourself than me narrating it like this. So if you want to read more about this, follow this link:- http://www.oprah.com/tows/slide/200511/20051101/slide_20051101_350_101.jhtml

Picture courtesy : http://www.familyisafety.com/filters/cybersentinel.htm
Questions listed are as seen on www.oprah.com

Should I be ashamed of changing?

2007-04-10T17:23:00.000+05:30

I did something last week after a lot of thinking and turmoil. All who know me, know that I was a vegeterian. Ofcourse, some also know that I have a big temptation for prawns. Though tempted, I kept telling myself that killing something and eating was something to do with principles in life. But the last week, my temptation took the better of me and I ate some prawns (Shanthi, my maid made this amazing dish called Palak Jinga). Then a couple of days later I decided that if I ate prawns I could also eat fish because I have read a lot about seafood being good for health. So I ate fish as well.

Ok now, I hear all you vegeterians yelling and throwing abuses at me:) But I must admit that of late a thought had been doing the rounds in my 'mazed mind'. The thought about balance in life. I hear you all. I am not beating about the bush to prove my point. Just a thought which triggered this whole change in me (of course, alongside the temptation for prawns). Now back to the main point of this whole tale.

Ganesh and I had, a few weeks ago, got into a conversation about how some people become fiercely involved in some of their principles and expect the whole world to follow suit. I can't remember the exact incident, but I think it was this news about how animal lovers had staged a dharna to ban KFC because it was killing too many chickens. Whilst I am a big animal lover myself, I don't think that it is right for people to just impose their likes on everyone. God has created the universe in a particular way to bring balance. For instance, one species has to perish for another to survive. Like lions kill other animals for their food. You can't argue against that. Similarly, another cult are feminists. When I say feminists, I mean real feminists who blame men for everything and dislike the word 'Men'. You can fight for your rights as individuals and put forth concerns which revolve around gender but you cannot ignore men as a species because man and woman were created as equal halves to balance the universe and procreate.

Now, my change as I said was triggered by this thought. The thought of the way universe was created. God made all species and gave each of them their characteristics and behaviour (my atheist friends can replace God with Science). Imagine if the whole world was vegeterian how we would be vying for space with goats and chickens and pigs and cattle. So I kept thinking about how nature is the way it is meant to be and how it wouldn't be a sin to just follow my natural instincts and temptations. I also happen to read something about the same thoughts in the book I am currently reading - 'Like the flowing river' by Paulo Coelho. One of the chapters in this book talks about myths and one of the myths that the author talks about is got to do with eating non-vegeterian. A sentence here touched a chord in me. It goes like this: "Nature is a constant cycle of life and death and, one day, we will be the ones going back into the earth to feed it". The author also further quotes what Jesus said, which was "It is not what goes into the mouth that defiles a man, but what comes out of the mouth". The author also spoke, in another chapter, about how one of the characteritic of the human species is contradictoriness and that we should not be ashamed to change our opinions as long as it does not cause grave consequences.

Now, I beg you people not to mistake me here. I totally respect anyone who wants to be vegeterian. It is one's choice, but to expect the whole universe to follow suit may not be reasonable. And many of you may not agree with my thoughts that led to my change, but I am the master of my will and I will bear the consequences of my action and this is an act that I thought fit in my current frame of mind. So why explain all this to all of you??? Because this is a blog about my 'mazed mind' which I mean to share with those who are interested in its meandering paths and its ramifications for their own good or bad.

Animal Love

2007-02-21T12:32:00.000+05:30

The last month or so, for me, has been ‘Animal Love’ time. By that, I mean I have been moved by a lot of animal stories on television and books. I have always been a lover of dogs (of course with two pet dogs that is no big secret!), but lately, after watching a lot of stories on different animals like leopards, monkeys, koala bears, grizzly bears, etc., I have been really moved by these creatures that are so like us but not quite the same in many ways.

I was especially moved by the story of Chimps (Chimpanzees) titled ‘Chimps: a whisper away from us’, on Animal Planet. This was a story of a lady called Sally Boysen (the lady in the picture with the chimp) who has dedicated her life to researching chimps, similar to Jane Goodall, a renowned primatologist who was in Chennai recently for the screening of wildlife pictures at a famous multiplex. Sally Boysen, an Associate Professor of Psychology and Director of the Comparative Cognition Project at the Ohio State University, in this program I mentioned, walked viewers through her efforts at making chimps read and write using English letters and words. The one-hour program, to say the least, was very absorbing and absolutely mind-blowing. It was so good that I also watched a re-run of the story the next day.

I learnt from this program that the DNA of chimps are just 1% different from that of human beings. Isn’t that mind-boggling????!!!! It made me feel really humble. The chimps were being taught to read alphabets by pointing to them on a computer screen, then slowly they were taught to identify words and relate them to objects (like a key, cat, etc.). The chimps were so good at it. They really were learning it like children do. They even learnt to use words to say what they wanted. Like, if they wanted a banana or chocolate kept in a locked box, they first chose the word key from the computer screen and when given the key, they took it and gave it to the person waiting next to the box. This is when they were in a cage; when they were out, they actually managed to find the right key and open the lock to the box!! Then, if there was more than one thing in the box, the person doing this teaching session prods the chimps to select one of the items from the screen. When the chimp chooses one of the items, it is given to him/her. Amazing, isn’t it?? Sally Boysen, in this story let the cameras into her daily routine. She was raising two chimps, Emma and Harper like her own children at home. And they were behaving no less than real kids. Climbing onto things, pulling things down, running around and playing in water. It was really a pleasure to watch this on screen. I could go on and on about the whole show, but I am sure I cannot relate the story well enough to make all of you see the magic I saw on screen.

The other animal story I read this past week happened to be the biography of one John Grogan who had a pet Labrador named Marley. The biography is named ‘Marley and Me’ and it was an account of the life of Marley with its owners. It was such a sweet story. For one, the book made me smile all the way because Marley was exactly the same as Pumpkin, my pet Labrador. Another reason was that the story reiterated what I have known for a long time now, by virtue of having two wonderful pets at home. The fact that these creatures are very intelligent and shower us with unconditional love is something that is not easily ignored and something that can move one to tears.

So goes my ‘Animal Love’ month!!!

I was so obsessed with these stories that I have almost started to explore the possibility of becoming a primatologist or an animal psychologist like Sally Boysen. I am not sure if that is just the emotions of the past month pushing me over or a real calling. Whatever it is, as long it lasts, it is more animal stories for me!

P.S. Picture courtesy :- http://researchnews.osu.edu/archive/boysendisc.htm; http://marleyandme.com/book.html

Information Technology rocks!!!

2007-02-04T12:19:00.000+05:30

One more post that has been long pending. Looks like I have become one lazy person:)

I have to admit before I start pouring in the praises, that I am not a computer geek or for that matter a big technology aficionado. However, I am one of those people who leverage technology to help make my life easier and less stressful. I also believe that technology would be a strong force in the overall progress of mankind. But, I never ever believed that technology could rock my life the way it did couple of months ago.

Let me quickly narrate the story which triggered me to understand how much technology is doing and could do to our lives.

In college, I had three close friends with whom I hung out all the time. We were the most envied in college for the amount of fun we had inside and outside of college. And then suddenly, our three years in college came to and end and we went our ways to experience life, promising to keep in touch. And like many of us, we all got caught up with work and higher studies and the likes. However, two of us(my best friend Jaya and myself) kept in touch while we lost touch with the other two - Prasee and Raji. Jaya and I have been there for each other through thick and thin, through career and marriage, but have often wondered about Prasee and Raji. We have missed them in more than one occassion and have always been eager to know where and how they were.

In late November or early December of last year, both Jaya and I decided to check out 'Orkut', the website from Google that fosters socializing. We were not particularly interested, but logged in after a common friend of ours suggested it and we found no harm in trying something new. Infact, I just logged into orkut and added Jaya and Gopi (our common friend) and then forgot about it. I guess it was about 15 or 20 days after this that I got a scrap book entry from someone whose name I did not recognize, but who had mentioned the name and other details of my college accurately. I immediately wrote an entry in this person's scrap book confirming my identity and asking her who she was. I also wrote to Jaya to tell her about this and she called back to say that she had also got the same entry in her scrap book and very soon we were on the phone trying to figure out who this person was. We raked our brains for an hour over phone reminscing our days in college and wondering who this person was. Then came another scrapbook entry after a couple of days giving us some clues and asking us to guess. Sadly, Jaya and I were clueless and took it to be someone playing a prank with us. So we decided to let it cool. So, when I got a mail the next day announcing a new scrap book entry from this 'mystery woman', I took my time (about a couple of days) to read it. And when I read it, lo behold!!!!! I was overcome with tears and my whole body was shivering from the excitement of finding out that this 'mystery woman' was none other than my close friend "Prasee"! I was more than excited, I was shouting with joy. Prasee had given me her contact numbers and I decided to call her immediately. I called and then we had a emotional reunion and I just could not believe what was happening to me. Now that was not the end of the story because what I found out next did not sound just coincidental but sounded more like miracle (ok ok, I am being too dramatic, but hey c'mon you can't blame my emotions in such joyous circumstances)! I found out that Prasee lives in Mumbai and I was scheduled to fly to Mumbai on work in a week's time and was looking for a friend's house where I could stay because I was not very happy about staying in a hotel. Now, you sure can't call that coincidental, can you?

I was still a little disoriented with excitement and was behaving a little crazy because I called Jaya in the US to tell her about what happened and I was shouting so badly while I was on speaker and two dishwasher repairmen were listening in. They must have thought I was one crazy woman and given Jaya odd looks because she was very quiet(and probably embarassed) and just said she will call back in a while. Call she did, and I gave her Prasee's number and she inturn did another emotional reunion with our long lost friend(oh yeah, I am right; we had seen her last in 2001)!

Yes, yes, I am coming to that! I did meet up with Prasee in Mumbai and stayed in her house and met her family(her hubby and kid) and had a nice time catching up. I also wondered a lot about how technology had done something unimaginable, may be 8-10 years ago. I discussed it with so many of friends and my husband and was quite overjoyed to know that this was quite a pleasant happening and that it does not happen to many people. Personally for me, it was an overwhelming moment of joy and awakening. Joy ofcourse, of finding my friend and awakening to the fact that technology could be really one great tool in our hands for so many wonderful and unimaginable discoveries.

P.S. All three of us are trying our luck now to find the whereabouts of our other friend Raji through Orkut:)

Picture courtesy: http://mohammad.akkasee.com/archives/2004_12.php

Nature really does it!!

2007-01-28T19:11:00.000+05:30

I have again been off for a long while due to a bad setback in my health and a lot of other personal reasons. This is a post that has been long pending. I wanted to talk about this right after I came back from a holiday we took to a place called Coorg, close to Mysore.

I am not sure if I am starting to really grow old or starting to relax more, but this is the first trip in my whole life where I really paid attention to the bounty of nature around me. I have read a lot of books where the authors passionately describe how sweet the sound of the chirping birds and the rustling leaves are to one's ears. When I read such books I always wondered if this really happens or if the authors were just trying to make their writing look really creative and dreamy. However, during this holiday at Coorg, I really noticed all this and more. I really took my morning walks amidst the woods where the aroma of coffee plants really hit my senses. I heard the birds chriping and when I closed my eyes to really soak it all up, I felt like I was flying. Yeah, I know what you are thinking!! I am starting to sound like one of these dreamy writers, right?? I am not sure who or what I sound like, but I am sure I really had a heady experience connecting with nature, like never before.

I was really happy and relaxed and felt so contented and thankful that I was able to do all this in life. I think it is easier to say I felt different!!

P.S. The picture of the sunset was taken in Coorg during our trip.

Are we becoming ‘fat sheep with fingers’?

2006-11-21T20:52:00.000+05:30

As always, something or someone inspires me to write a new post in my blog. This time it is an article in ‘THE HINDU’ dated Nov 17, 2006. This was an article reproduced from the ‘Guardian( newspaper)’. It was about computers taking over our brainwork. I particularly liked the line just below the headline that read – ‘if computers keep taking over our brainwork, soon we will be nothing more than fat sheep with fingers’. Now you know where the blog title came from!

The article is a must read for anyone who has thought, “Oh my God!!! Could I still write an impressive article or piece of text without MS Word?” I personally have thought about it a few times. And my husband told me that he has thought that way too. The writer struck a chord with this article because he drew a parallel of computers taking over our brainwork to how labour saving devices have given the medical fraternity ‘lifestyle diseases’ to deal with. He mentioned about how we hardly lift a finger to do any task and how software is killing music.

I was always proud about my convent education, which I believe has given me the English skills that I possess today. However, I must admit my English has deteriorated in the last few years to a level, which I am not very comfortable with. I think the downward journey has quite a bit to do with computers and also due to the fact that mediocre English is being accepted as a norm instead of an exception. I am sure the latter reason, may not be stomached very well by many people, but I had to say it (as always, speaking my mind!). But this post is more about the former reason. So, coming back to the point. I have many a times thought about how it is a shame that I have to rely on MS Word’s synonyms to get the right word that would express my thoughts. I have been caught between deciding if ‘labour’ and ‘favourite’ should be spelt with or the without the ‘u’. Sometimes, the more challenging task seems to be, deciding between re-writing a sentence according to MS Word’s suggestion or to leave it the way I think is the best way to express my thoughts with the flair and flamboyancy a complex sentence has. Now, that was almost like listing the evils of eating junk food!!!

Having said all that, I must admit that a PC and word processor are very much part of my life as my washing machine or my car. It is so true that human beings always look to make life simpler at the cost of losing sight of one’s direction in one’s life. And then there is the host of ‘side effects’ of such a kind of living. But, think a little deeper and you might end up concluding ‘What’s life without discovering new things, having fun, taking risks and savouring the journey?!’
But of course, we have to be mindful of the impending perils as the writer of the ‘Guardian’ article concluded saying ‘A mental obesity epidemic threatens’. Because, I am sure we don’t want to be contemplating between something like an Atkins diet for a better ‘brain’ or a ‘mindmill’ (similar to treadmill) to get our brain back in thinking shape!

Sagalakala Vallavan – Master of all Arts!!!

2006-11-07T21:19:00.000+05:30

Hey everyone!!!! It’s been such a long time since I posted on my blog. It feels good to be back. Feels like a big achievement that after months of bad luck with my comp and lot of other personal lows, I’ve finally managed to sit down today to write something.

And guess what (or rather whom) I have been itching to write about??!! About this great actor and human being named ‘Kamal Hassan’! Whew!!!! Now that is so different from what I always write about. Or actually is it? You decide after you have read the post.

Before I start saying what I want to, let me introduce this guy for the benefit of those who have no clue of the Tamil movie stars (now that is a subtle way of saying my blog is read by people all over the world;)). Kamal Hassan is one of the greatest movie stars of this era. I am sure everyone would agree to that though many may not want to accept it publicly. He has acted in countless number of movies since his childhood days. He has won many accolades for his performances. He is 54 years old and is still re-inventing himself with every movie.

Now for the real story.

I have always been a fan of Kamal Hassan since my childhood. And when I say I am fan, I don’t mean to say I watch every movie of his or that I am there for the first show of his every movie. I am actually not even one of those fans who will swear that each and every performance of his and every movie of his is mind blowing. But what I do say is that this is one man who has made the profession of acting and the movie industry highly respectable in my eyes.

The whole idea of writing about how I feel about this human being occurred to me after I watched his recent movie ‘Vettaiyadu Vilaiyadu’. I am sure all Tamil movie goers would have watched the film by now. And I am also pretty much sure that everyone would agree that the movie was really well made and that Kamal has once again proved that he is a cut above the rest! I for one was so enthralled by the movie and by Kamal’s performance that I was raving about the movie(which included Kamal’s looks as well;)) for more than a week. I must also mention here that the director of the movie Gautham Menon moved up a few notches in my ‘favourites’ list. It was a mind-blowing movie, though many (especially men) did think that it was very disturbing as it dealt with the story of a serial rapist and murderer. However, I would say that the movie was made to be disturbing as it left some serious thoughts in the viewers’ heads long after the movie was over.

So, like I said earlier, after I watched this movie I spoke so much about it to my friends and everyone that after each conversation I started thinking a little about this person. I thought about how this man has dedicated his life to the art of acting. Many of his movies totally shock us as to what lengths he goes to in each of his movies to look the part he is playing. His movies also clearly show us that this is one man who has done his homework to almost become the character he is playing. In each of his movies there is something new. Sometimes it is the make-up, sometimes it is his singing ability that comes to the fore, sometimes it all the new technical stuff he has introduced in film making; the list is endless. Another important point that many people fail to recognize in his movies is the subtle messages each of his movies carries. Of course, in all the movies the hero plays the good guy fighting for a cause and the cause is pretty much clearly outlined in the first few scenes of the movie. However, in all of Kamal’s movies (especially the ones that he has acted in the last decade or so) have real important messages laced into the story, but it is not blaring enough for the masses to understand. Now, that is why Kamal does not command a fan following like Rajinikanth (the superstar of Tamil filmdom)! Coming back to the point about messages, let me mention a few. Remember this movie ‘Peiyar Sollum Pillai’ - the message there was about abolishing casteism. ‘Kurudhipunal’ was about the life ( the real emotions and tribulations) of commandos. ‘Mahanadhi’ was a very disturbing movie about the life of children who lose their parents, but one of the messages I liked in the movie was in a song which teaches the children about how not to fear devils and demons and how they are all just a myth. ‘Anbe Sivam’, my all time favorite movie (I personally think it is one of the best movies ever made) is about ‘Love’. It so subtly highlights the message that ‘Love is God’. I think it is a movie that every human being who really wants to live a meaningful life should watch and probably save a copy for posterity. Another recent one ‘Virumaandi’ was about the death sentence. I could just go on and on. But this not all that I want to talk about.

The most important thing that I wanted to talk about in this post is about how Kamal Hassan is an inspiration to people who want to make a difference in this world. Think about this. We all look up to extraordinary professionals such as Scientists, Doctors, Lawyers, Entrepreneurs, IT professionals, etc. and talk about how we want to be like them. But hardly does any parent show the example of an actor to his/her child to make them understand what it takes to be a successful and extraordinary human being. Including me, I think all of us just look at movies as entertainment and movie stars as glamorous people who do a job they are paid for. But think again. Think again about this guy named Kamal. He was a school drop out and became an actor to fulfill his father’s dream. But he chose to make a difference through the medium that God had offered to him. He dedicated his life to this art of acting. Though a school drop-out he is well read and highly knowledgeable and speaks impeccable English and Tamil. He is a great dancer, a great orator and someone who walks his talk. And hey, I almost forgot this one! He is amazingly good looking, even at the age of 54 (I am so fascinated with his looks that I was telling Ganesh that I wouldn’t mind marrying him at the age of 54, if I get a chance!!). The next one is a little dicey but I have to say it. I am sure many of YOU, don’t like the way he leads his personal life (frankly, who are we to comment on his personal life?), but think again. However flamboyantly you would say he lives his life, he has been very honest and forthright. Now that calls for some real appreciation given that none of us on the face of this earth is perfect and that many of us don’t have the guts to own up to our mistakes. Now tell me, what more does one need to make Kamal his/her idol and look up to this man to live one’s life more successfully and meaningfully?

I could go on and on about this guy. But it is time to stop as I guess I have exceeded all acceptable limits of a blog post!! So I will just conclude by saying, “Kamal Hassan for me is a person who has pushed the limit for something he believes in - the medium of cinema to share his knowledge and his experiences. And I sure would be proud to introduce him to the next generation as one of the greatest men to walk this earth!” I am sure I have stretched all your reading limits, but I have to say this before I go. I always think about this guy and say to myself, “If only I have half of this guy’s dedication to whatever my cause on earth is, I would be successful in making a huge difference to this planet I live in.”

Photo courtesy : www.vettaiyaaduvilaiyaadu.com

Is wearing a helmet unfashionable?

2006-07-26T17:57:00.000+05:30

This post is actually an article I wrote a while ago for 'THE HINDU MetroPlus Sound Off ' column, but unfortunately it was not published because I guess someone had already 'sounded off' on the topic. Frankly, I would prefer to believe this was the reason for my article not being published rather than accepting (and as a result feeling disappointed and discouraged) that it was not written well enough to be published:)

Anyway, I happened to re-read this article today and thought "Wow! This is a well written article and it has a message. Why not publish it in my blog?" After all blogs seem to be the new medium for sharing news and views and there is a whole lot of buzz around blogging. And also, if I can't become a journo to pen my views why not use the next best weapon to be heard by the people who care!!!

So here I am, with my views on a topic I think is important enough to be shared! Read on...

I have always wondered how some people consider their lives so cheap that they could dare to venture into the Chennai traffic without a helmet. It more than shocks me. In fact, I would like to ask all those two-wheeler riders who are wary of wearing helmets, “Isn’t knowingly exposing oneself to danger equivalent to suicide?”

I decided to take a rough count of the number of people who do not wear helmets and as I was traveling to office in an auto, I started counting the number of heads without a helmet. I was not surprised, as it turned out that 8 out of 10 people did not wear helmets. Having ridden a two wheeler myself for quite a while (I still ride my ‘Scooty’ occasionally), it is alarming to even think about how someone ignores wearing a helmet. If, on a rare occasion I forget to wear my helmet when I am going to some nearby place I feel like I am walking in the middle of the road ready to have my head knocked off. Why is it that some people choose not to wear a helmet? Is it ugly to wear a helmet or is it too uncomfortable given that it is just your life which is at stake. The fact that more women than men shun helmets is very alarming. This includes smart young college going girls who cover themselves up completely with scarves and cotton gloves to avoid tanning to mothers with kids in tow in their Kinetics and Hondas. It is an irony that young girls think it is important to take care of their complexion and their hair but don’t realize that not wearing a helmet may lead to not having a life at all. Men of course are no less. I have racked my brains many times to understand how even men in their 40’s and 50’s who probably have families to support and grandpas who keep to the farthest side of the road to avoid the speeding youngsters manage to be so careless about their lives.

The government and the police department do as much as they can to spread awareness about wearing helmets. The corporate organizations also have chipped in by enforcing ‘Wear helmet’ rule for their employees riding two-wheelers. All in vain! Do we all not have the common sense and love for this precious life to go on ignoring such important warnings? Please wake up and save your lives and the save the tragedy of a loss for your family.

GOD, you there?

2006-07-06T12:48:00.000+05:30

I happened to read someone’s blog on God’s existence which touched a spot in me. I am one of those people who keep thinking about this question. I am sure there are quite a few of us like this. However, I am still at a stage where I can’t make up my mind either way. Though this blog I read didn’t have the answer to the question, it was very insightful. It triggered me to add a comment as well. As I was writing the comment I decided that I had to share it with all you guys. I especially want to share the wisdom I have quoted from the book I was reading when I posted this comment. So here’s what I wrote. Read on.

Hi Ben,

Thanks for your comments on my blog. I happened to forget to moderate comments on my blog for a while and saw yours only today.

The 'Desidarata' page link you had sent did really strike a chord with me. Especially the lines
'And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.'

These lines are probably very much related to this post on God's existence.

You have really given vent to the feelings of ‘God's existence’ that I am sure many of us keep pondering about. And you were absolutely right. I do not have the guts either to say 'God does not exist' as yet. But I think this courage is lacking in many of us because we do not have an explanation for the many mystical things that happen around us.

I am reading this book called 'The Saint, the Surfer and the CEO' by Robin Sharma in which there was a very thought provoking paragraph. It went like this :-
"Our world is a very wise place, and our lives unfold according to a series of natural laws that are nothing less than brilliant. We human beings think that our lives are governed by random events and that the people who enter and exit do so purely by chance. Nothing could be further from the truth. There's no chaos in the world, only order. There are no coincidences - ever. Our lives aren’t run by good or bad luck, but by an intelligent process designed to help us evolve into our best selves.’

I was so struck by this thought because it looks like it is the most sensible way of accepting all that happens around us each day. Of course, this doesn’t clear the dilemma about whether God exists or not. I would however prefer to believe that there is a bigger power above (I am not sure if this is a person or thing) that governs all of life and that it arranges all that happens, to be the way it is. Whether this a good or bad power is still debatable I guess. But I think all answers to all happenings are within us. This again is a belief that has become stronger by the following story I read in the book I just mentioned above. This story is sort of a fable from the East. It is about how once upon a time all human beings on Earth were considered God. Then humankind abused its powers and the Supreme Lord decided to take it all away. He then wanted to hide the godhead – the source of all human talent, potential and glory. After hearing a lot of suggestions (which included the mountains, oceans, ground, etc.) of his advisors about where to the hide the god head, the master hit upon the solution. He decided to place this extraordinary power, magnificence and glory inside the heart of every man, woman and child on the planet because he claimed that this place is were human beings will never think of looking for the treasure. Now, that sounds so true doesn’t it?

Cheers
Savitha

For those of you who are interested in Ben’s blog, you can check out this Link

I think each of us has our own insights about what or who is GOD. I for one just think the power above us is within each of us and he/she/it has a plan for each one of us. I believe we all should strive to be honest to ourselves and that probably is the best way of honouring the power above who thought it fit to bring us into this universe. Being true to your conscience is one of the easiest ways of fulfilling your purpose in this universe.

I would love to know what each of your thoughts is, on this topic of God’s existence. So, do try to send in your comments.

One more nice quote I’d like to share with you all before I conclude.
“Service & acts of kindness to others is the rent we pay for tenancy on this planet”

More pain; More gain!

2006-06-30T11:33:00.000+05:30

A very sad and really heart-breaking accident happened the past week at home. Both Ganesh and I were out. It was pretty late in the evening and Ganesh and I were due to go to Tirupathi the next day morning. We were all packed and ready. I had gone out to get some fruits to eat during the train journey. I happened to get a call and was talking for quite a while and got a little late. As I was walking back home, Mom called me to find out where I was. This was a little unusual because I had called her only about 15 mins earlier to inform her that I was finishing up at the fruit shop and I would be home soon. I did not think too much and just assumed that she was calling to remind me it was late because I had an early morning train to catch. When I got home I saw there was an unusual silence and the door was unlocked. I was a little worried and my fear proved to be right as I saw that my Mom had a bad wound in her feet and she was bleeding profusely. However, she looked very calm and so I assumed she probably had hurt herself in the door or something. My assumption was totally wrong because as I soon as I asked Mom what had happened, she started to cry like a child and told me that Cheeku, our pet Pomeranian had bitten her. She was very badly shaken up and sobbed inconsolably. She was hurting badly and she was scared for her life. I could see it in her eyes. And I was thoroughly shocked both by the fact that Cheeku(who we had all along thought was the most docile creature on earth) had done this and that I had never seen my Mom cry like this ever before.

I was sort of inactive for a few seconds and the first thing I did was try to reach Ganesh. I couldn’t get him on the line and so left him a message. When I think back now, there were two important lessons at that moment. One was that, however independent and rational you are, when there is an emergency you always tend to fall back on your loved one. And the feeling that there is someone to run to when in trouble is a blessing and we should not take it for granted. The other important lesson was something my Mom taught me silently even during her moment of trouble and pain. As I started calling Ganesh, Mom tried to stop me saying that I should not tell him what happened because he may panic while driving and that was dangerous. She also then told me that she had called me few minutes before I reached home to tell me about the accident but decided against it because she did not want me to panic. This is what I call ‘putting others before self’. Mom was scared to death about what had happened but had managed to stay calm because she did not want her loved ones to get into any trouble. As I think about it now, I am so amazed at her determination to give the most to others. I am not sure if I would have been so selfless had this happened to me. Now that is surely a lesson that I have to learn from.

One more revelation I had while pondering over this incident is about how human beings become child like as they grow old. My Mom’s inconsolable sobbing is still fresh in my memory and I couldn’t believe it was her because I have never seen her cry like that before. I’ve known her to have endured a lot of physical and mental pain over the years, but have never seen her cry like this. So, this was a surprise and may be it happened to remind me that as we grow old we all become kids again. I think this insight is very important as it shows how fragile old people are and how important it is for us to understand and take care of them. This is something that we probably do not realize easily especially with our parents because we have always taken for granted that they are there to take care of us. We don’t realize that there will be a time when we have to do the same for them. We may not be able to equal their sacrifices and their caring but we have to at least try hard not to hurt or trouble them in which ever way we can.

The last lesson I learnt was when I woke up the next day morning and was helping Ganesh to leave to Tirupathi (I stayed back to take care of Mom). I was still feeling very upset about what had happened and worried about how much pain Mom was going through. And as Ganesh was getting ready we had our first discussion of the accident after it had happened because the night before we were busy with treating Mom at the hospital. We both started talking about how this happened and both of us were really pained by what Cheeku had done. Ganesh being the more rational was only talking and visibly deeply pained but I could not control my tears as I spoke about how Cheeku had totally let us down by what he did. I realize now that I felt so emotional because when you love someone a lot and they let you down, you feel more sad than angry. It is a strange feeling when the person you love makes a mistake which hurts someone badly. You kind of feel very heart broken because you know this person so well and you know that he is a very good being but you cannot right his wrong. And that feeling surely proves that when you like someone dearly that person’s joys, sorrows, good deeds and bad deeds are all yours as well.

Hazy times; Unclear thoughts

2006-06-09T12:52:00.000+05:30

I really don't know what is it that I want to write about in this post. There are so many lessons, may be all small ones, that I have learnt over the last month but was not able to share with all of you, because of the trying times that I was going through. The clouds seem to be clearing now and the sky seems to be becoming brighter as I try to piece my thoughts together again. It is a month since my last post and so I thought I should share my thoughts even if they are not about anything very concrete.

It has really been a battle living life this past month. It was mostly clouded with thoughts of despair. But like I have read somewhere, there is always light at the end of the tunnel. It is just important to keep up that journey to the end. I have always believed that God gives each person as much trouble a person is capable of handling and when it is time he will step in with the solution. I probably needed to go through all these travails to re-discover myself and my courage and conviction to live my dreams.

I tried hard to base this post of mine on one particular learning, but that seems to be hard. So, I am just going to list what all I have learnt and discovered the past month.

Accept to yourself what you really are and what you want out of life. This is important even if it means you are going to accept to something totally opposite to your present beliefs.
Try to talk about your fears to the ones whom you trust even if it means it might lead to some sour moments.
Muster the courage to make decisions that will give you peace and happiness.
The most important thing is to make decisions that you think will be right and will lead to happiness for yourself and for all around you. This might in the present be a very painful decision which might put people you love and care about into some trouble and inconvenience. But, if you strongly believe that this is the right thing to do at the moment, then you have to decide to go ahead, considering the long term benefits.
Sometimes, your loved ones are the not the only ones who can help you out, especially when your loved one is himself or herself undergoing a lot of stress. Look to friends whom you hold dear to help pull you out of the rut. Believe me, you would be surprised to find out how much your close friends are willing to do for you in your trying times. I am really lucky enough to have a freind like that!! Thanks my friend:-)
It is very difficult to stay positive at such trying times, but you have to try your best to concentrate on the solution to the problem, rather than the problem itself. So be receptive to people who offer solutions. Don't be offended thinking that they don't understand your feelings.
As many of you know, I am big fan of Robin Sharma, the author of 'The monk who sold his Ferrari'. And I have more than a couple of times read in his blog about how we have to face our fears to tide over them and feel a great surge of self-confidence. Infact, the topic of his blog today is 'Fear as Growth' and he says 'A fear is nothing more than a doorway into the highest version of your highest vision'. I sincerely believe this is true.
One more thing about living your dream is that when you decide whole heartedly to make your dream a reality, people and opportunities and ideas crop up from everywhere, even from quarters you thought never existed. You suddenly see ideas and positive vibes all around you.
Last of all, once you decide to live your dream, don't change your mind or swerve from your decision. Give it your best and leave it to the superior force above you (I didn't say GOD, because I happen to have freinds who are atheists and very frankly I myself don't know if the one word GOD could sum up all that is beyond our powers!).

I hope I didn't sound like a philospher:-) I just shared what I have been feeling.

Story Wisdom

2006-05-09T18:02:00.000+05:30

I am going to re-produce here, an inspirational story that I received today. It is a short story which hits the nail right on the head. Here it is.

WHERE TO TAP
Ever heard the story of the giant ship engine that failed? The ship's owners tried one expert after another, but none of them could figure but how to fix the engine. Then they brought in an old man who had been fixing ships since he was a youngster. He carried a large bag of tools with him, and when he arrived, he immediately went to work. He inspected the engine very carefully, top to bottom. Two of the ship's owners were there, watching this man, hoping he would know what to do. After looking things over, the old man reached into his bag and pulled out a small hammer. He gently tapped something. Instantly, the engine lurched into life. He carefully put his hammer away. The engine was fixed! A week later, the owners received a bill from the old man for ten thousand dollars. "What?!" the owners exclaimed. "He hardly did anything!" So they wrote the old man a note saying, "Please send us an itemized bill."

The man sent a bill that read:
Tapping with a hammer ........................ $ 2.00
Knowing where to tap ............................ $ 9998.00

Effort is important, but knowing where to make an effort in your life makes all the difference.

When I read this story, I was instantly reminded of many of 'us' who are so talented and who are sincere in our effors but for some reason never seem to be scaling the heights of success and satisfaction that many others do. The one thing that struck me hard after I read this story is that it is not only enough to make efforts. It is more important to make those efforts in the right direction. And for this one requires a strong sense of purpose and a clear goal.

I hope this story helps provoke some useful thoughts for all of you as well.

Right / Wrong; Perfection / Excellence

2006-05-03T13:03:00.000+05:30

This post is sort of a sequel to the previous one. I was inspired to do this sequel after reading the feedback on the previous post by one of my friends . This friend’s name is Baskar and he is one of those friends whom I can fall back on when life becomes a little harsh on me. I know he is always there to help me when I need him even though we don’t talk much these days. And I owe it to him to add here that he has been an important inspiration in my journey of self-analysis and deep thinking.

Baskar has given some real good insights to the previous post on ‘Do the right things – ALWAYS!”. He said two things mainly. One is that ‘Nothing is good or bad”. Second, “Don’t strive for perfection because nothing is perfect in the world. Strive for excellence instead”.

I almost second his thoughts as I expected this reaction about perfectionism from at least one person who read the post. In fact, as I was writing the post itself, I was trying to figure out a better way to drive the moral of the story home without using the term ‘perfection’. But, for me that word holds a lot of value, though I know it is impossible for any one to be perfect. For me, striving to be perfect is the road to excellence. That is why, if you notice, in the beginning of this paragraph, I said ‘I almost second’ Baskar’s thoughts and not ‘I second’. Though I do agree that nothing is perfect in this world, I do not agree that this is reason enough for me not to strive to get there. I always believed and still believe that if I had to play the game of life by the rules that are most popular, then I become one among the crowd and lose my identity. I also believe that every person excels in what he does by striving for perfection.

I have in the last couple of years thought a lot about perfectionism and have understood why being perfect is at times dangerous to your psychological health. So, I have learnt not to ‘be perfect’, but to ‘strive to be perfect’. When I say one should strive to be perfect, I would like to add that I don’t mean that one should become obsessed with perfection but always have a keen eye for detail and conscientiously try to do the job at hand to one’s highest capability. This will automatically lead to excellence. However, I will leave each one of you to decide how you would like to reach excellence in your endeavors.

Coming to the good vs. bad part, Baskar is right about nothing being good or bad. What is good to you is not good to me. But we all learn what is the right thing to do in life by either having made a mistake once before or by having seen some one make a mistake. And the next time we are faced with the same situation, we should try to evoke the right response rather than wrong. However, whether you want to call the mistake you made ‘bad’ or ‘just a learning’ is up to you. What is more important is to understand not to repeat a deed which brought you unhappiness, shame or embarrassment ever again!

I conclude this post by saying a big thank you to Baskar for having facilitated this thought sharing by his thought provoking feedback.

Do the right thing - ALWAYS!!

2006-04-17T16:34:00.000+05:30

I am starting to write this post with mixed feelings of shame, a necessity to shed my load and a compelling intention to educate others from my experience. I am going to narrate an incident which happened yesterday night which left me very guilty and ashamed, but quickly reversed to open my eyes to something which I have believed in strongly for a long time. I must say that by the time I decided to write about this incident in my blog, the feeling had almost become one of enlightenment.

I am going to let you take a peek into what happened without much ado. But, beware!!! For those of you who know me quite well this might be quite a shock. Nevertheless, it is one of those experiences in my life that turned into a very good lesson.

Ganesh an I had been pretty much excited about Pumpkin(our new man in the family – a lab pup) and I had been busy messaging my kith and kin about his homecoming. We had gotten out of the house to do some shopping and I was carrying a plastic cover with some of Chickoo’s refuse (he had vomitedL). I was also busy messaging as I got out with the cover and had intended to dump it outside our gate from where the Corporation guys would clear it off the next day morning. This was the usual practice. However, since I was so engrossed in the messaging, I forgot to do this and I carried it to the car and got into the car as Ganesh was reversing. I then almost immediately realized I had forgotten to dump the cover and got out and started looking for the dustbin with the car door ajar. Ganesh was also talking over the phone (speaker mode!!! That is info for all of you who are like me who hate people who drive with their mobile tucked between their ear and shoulder) and as the door was ajar and he was in the midst of reversing he started shouting and I, with my thoughts occupied by all the messaging, just dumped the cover outside the gate of the house where I was standing and got into the car. Yeah, yeah, that is the most stupid act I ever did guys!! I know all of you who know me are gaping at this with mouth wide open. I really can’t explain why I acted like that though I almost immediately realized what a stupid thing I had done as soon as I got into the car. So, I decided that the minute Ganesh reverses and stops I would get out of the car and pick up the cover and drop it in the dust bin on my way.

Hold on guys!!! The story is not yet over. The worst part is just round the corner. Even before the car stopped, I saw an old gentleman who had been right behind us in his car, had got out and started shouting at me!!! It was apparently the owner of the house and he was waiting to open the gate to his house and get in. Now, should I say, how annoyed he would have been? I got out the minute Ganesh stopped and ran out and apologized to him and picked up the cover and got into the car. I was so ashamed that I could have killed myself. It was the most demeaning moment of my life to have been caught by someone, trying to dump waste in front of their house. Especially, for a person like me who always drops waste into a dustbin, even if it is a bus ticket or a small bill. I have always praised myself on being clean and tidy and fulfilling my duty as a citizen of India. And lo!!! Here I go!!! All the pride and respect I had going down the drain in a minute.

Needless to say, I was very upset and guilty and cribbed for the next ten minutes to Ganesh on why I had acted so stupid and how bad I felt. He was also flabbergasted and made no bones about how he didn’t expect such an act from me. After the ten minutes of bad feeling, I fell silent and started thinking and analyzing what led to this deed. I gathered that it was mainly due to the fact that I was very pre-occupied with my messaging (which obviously could have been put off for a while) and I had also for a moment thought it was alright to fall short of being righteous just once. However, I couldn’t digest it even for a minute after the deed. Now that taught me two lessons!

One, not to be too preoccupied with trivial pleasures that your common sense is blinded to the brink of stupidity. Two, never to think that you can make an excuse (even if it is just once) to fall short of doing the right thing.

I have always told myself time and again when I am tempted to fall short of perfection that if one decides to follow the path of righteousness, one should stick to it, however difficult the circumstances are. However tough it is to do a job, I have believed that if I can’t do it right (and this has nothing to do with success, mind you!), I don’t attempt to do it at all. I have read a few articles and books which have said how perfectionists become stressful personalities and that it is alright once in a while to relax and try not concentrate on trivial things. I have for some reason never felt comfortable with that thought, though I agree that it is not worth stressing yourself with what is really not important. But, I have tried not to take this thought to heart and practice it sincerely because I am scared that if I make it a habit to be less perfect I would just get accustomed to taking all imperfections easily. This, I think would ultimately lead me away from the right path without me even realizing it.

After all that deep thinking and enlightment, I pacified and tried to forgive myself by saying GOD made this incident happen, probably to open my eyes to the truth that ‘you can never get away doing a wrong deed’.

Musical revelation

2006-04-02T19:37:00.000+05:30

At last, I found time to add a new post to my blog (for all those who were eager to read my 'mazed mind'!).

After last time's peep into to my 'Animal Instincts', this time a little something about my less explored creative side. I must confess I am not a great listener of music, meaning, in the last couple of years music has been very less a part of my life. Infact the only music I have been listening to is the one on 98.3 FM Radio Mirchi during my drive to office. Looks like in the months to come this would also be a rarity, as I have to now ride to office in my Scooty (like olden days), due to my job switch (now that may not be news to anyone who knows me well, but for others, yes, it is a little change that has happened in the past week). As usual, I am weaning away from the topic I guess. Coming back to what I started to say, I got this great opportunity to attend a music concert a week ago at Music Academy which really awakened my senses and made me relax thoroughly, which I never thought I could do.

I took tickets for this concert from my good friend Lakshmi, mainly because it was an event being conducted for raising funds for a great cause (about which I will tell you a little later). This was a fusion concert by the popular Veena maestro Rajhesh Vaidhya (those of you who don't know him, it's worth getting to know him and his music hitherto) and playback singer Karthik (of 'Boyz' fame). I was actually a little apprehensive because I wasn't sure how a veena recital would be and what a playback singer like Karthik would do in this concert. But these two great musicians I must say, created two hours of absolute magic taking each member of the audience to the heights of sheer listening pleasure. This kind of music is really rare to come by and it was a revelation how music could stir our senses. I was so enthralled that I had a good mind to call all my friends and urge them to come to the show from wherever they were.

The music was a mix of western classical, rock, pure classical, some filmi songs and absolutely stunning intrumentals. I am not a great judge of music and don't really know how to explain what I heard. But for those of you who read THE HINDU, the show's review was covered on Friday, the 31st of March on the 'Friday Review' supplement. The show was called 'Temptations' and it was a first of its kind and it was put up by an NGO called Gnyan Prabodh, an 'Education trust with a difference', which is working to help bring about 100% literacy in the country. The cause I must say was another reason why I felt completely satisfied to have been a part of this concert. I felt so stirred by the young minds who are behind this great initiative, as mush as I was stirred by the music.

The main reason why I decided to make this the topic of my next post was because the show got me thinking how much more there is to life than just the 8 hour job we all are so attached to and the rest of the 16 hours of our day which we spend either complaining about things around us or are busy spending in front of the idiot box! I have always been one of the types who has been pained by a lot of things that happen around me, but most of the times, I realize I have only been complaining and criticizing than gettting out of my comfort zone and doing something. The music made me realize that there are so many simple ways of getting happiness and peace and the organisation, Gnyan Prabodh showed me how I can be a part of the change I want to see in this world!

I am sure many of my friends who are reading this, surely feel like contributing to such causes. I would like to impress however that we all should not stop with just contributing in kind to these great causes, but must give our might to such organisations to make our lives more purposeful. Please don't think I am preaching, but consider this as my humble thrust to get many of us (who are looking for ways to enrich our lives) moving out of our comfort zones.

I think I will let you all think more about this now and end by giving you Gnyan Prabodh's url for all of you who are raring to go. The url is www.gnyanprabodh.org. Happy contributing!

Small deed, great happiness!

2006-03-07T17:01:00.000+05:30

I have been thinking a lot about writing a blog that I can share with my friends and whoever else is interested, for a while now. However, the one incident that jolted me into action was something that happened the past weekend. The incident made me reflect on how easy it is to make someone's life better and your own life more happy. And the message was so powerful that I thought I would share it with as many people as I can reach.

The locality where I live in has a lot many dogs that are unfortunate not to have owners (dont want to call them stray dogs!). Thanks to Menaka Gandhi and her clan, these orphans have no more place in orphanages like the Blue Cross (not that I am totally convinced that it is the best place to be for these lovely beings, but atleast that gives them a shelter). Coming back to the story I wanted to say; there was this dog (i'll call him 'Browny' because he had brown hair) which had been badly wounded , which I later found out was due to a careless six-sensed, two-legged being having driven his car rashly and having almost ran over him. Browny apparently had no one to take care of him and was becoming worse by the day and was trying to find a quiet corner in any house that had an open gate to rest and try to recover. And he seemed to, for some reason, choose my house very often. However, we at home where not ready to accomodate him because he was smelly and looked very infected. So we managed to drive him away mercilessly a couple of times. Then suddenly, I thought a lot about my behaviour and how cruel I was. This was mainly because of Chickoo(my pet dog), as his presence in my life made me think how partial I was to Browny in not helping him in any way. And it looked so unbecoming of me to show so much love and care to Chickoo whereas not even have the heart to house a wounded Browny.

I decided after that short enlightment session that I should act on the issue. So I called Blue Cross and asked them if they could help. They agreed to come and take a look and so I gave them my contact address and faintly hoped they would come. And to my surprise, within a couple of hours of calling them they landed at my doorstep with an ambulance. I apparently had mis-judged the Indian system, which I am ashamed to admit was wrong on my part. These guys then with the help of another very caring lady who went all out to find Browny, put him into the ambulance and took him away. They promised to nurse him back to good health and return him to his abode (the street where I live in).

I was so overcome with joy at this small effort I had taken to give Browny another chance at life. It made me so happy as the whole neighborhood watched this gesture of mine with great interest and respect(I think). Ofcourse, me being looked at like a hero was not the only reason I was over-joyed. It was more of a sense of fulfillment at having made someone's day. And believe me, that feeling brought so much happiness to my inner self that I could not but think how easy it was to find happiness.

The incident made me feel so happy that I thought I should share this thought that "It just takes a little effort to find happiness".