More pain; More gain!

A very sad and really heart-breaking accident happened the past week at home. Both Ganesh and I were out. It was pretty late in the evening and Ganesh and I were due to go to Tirupathi the next day morning. We were all packed and ready. I had gone out to get some fruits to eat during the train journey. I happened to get a call and was talking for quite a while and got a little late. As I was walking back home, Mom called me to find out where I was. This was a little unusual because I had called her only about 15 mins earlier to inform her that I was finishing up at the fruit shop and I would be home soon. I did not think too much and just assumed that she was calling to remind me it was late because I had an early morning train to catch. When I got home I saw there was an unusual silence and the door was unlocked. I was a little worried and my fear proved to be right as I saw that my Mom had a bad wound in her feet and she was bleeding profusely. However, she looked very calm and so I assumed she probably had hurt herself in the door or something. My assumption was totally wrong because as I soon as I asked Mom what had happened, she started to cry like a child and told me that Cheeku, our pet Pomeranian had bitten her. She was very badly shaken up and sobbed inconsolably. She was hurting badly and she was scared for her life. I could see it in her eyes. And I was thoroughly shocked both by the fact that Cheeku(who we had all along thought was the most docile creature on earth) had done this and that I had never seen my Mom cry like this ever before.

I was sort of inactive for a few seconds and the first thing I did was try to reach Ganesh. I couldn’t get him on the line and so left him a message. When I think back now, there were two important lessons at that moment. One was that, however independent and rational you are, when there is an emergency you always tend to fall back on your loved one. And the feeling that there is someone to run to when in trouble is a blessing and we should not take it for granted. The other important lesson was something my Mom taught me silently even during her moment of trouble and pain. As I started calling Ganesh, Mom tried to stop me saying that I should not tell him what happened because he may panic while driving and that was dangerous. She also then told me that she had called me few minutes before I reached home to tell me about the accident but decided against it because she did not want me to panic. This is what I call ‘putting others before self’. Mom was scared to death about what had happened but had managed to stay calm because she did not want her loved ones to get into any trouble. As I think about it now, I am so amazed at her determination to give the most to others. I am not sure if I would have been so selfless had this happened to me. Now that is surely a lesson that I have to learn from.

One more revelation I had while pondering over this incident is about how human beings become child like as they grow old. My Mom’s inconsolable sobbing is still fresh in my memory and I couldn’t believe it was her because I have never seen her cry like that before. I’ve known her to have endured a lot of physical and mental pain over the years, but have never seen her cry like this. So, this was a surprise and may be it happened to remind me that as we grow old we all become kids again. I think this insight is very important as it shows how fragile old people are and how important it is for us to understand and take care of them. This is something that we probably do not realize easily especially with our parents because we have always taken for granted that they are there to take care of us. We don’t realize that there will be a time when we have to do the same for them. We may not be able to equal their sacrifices and their caring but we have to at least try hard not to hurt or trouble them in which ever way we can.

The last lesson I learnt was when I woke up the next day morning and was helping Ganesh to leave to Tirupathi (I stayed back to take care of Mom). I was still feeling very upset about what had happened and worried about how much pain Mom was going through. And as Ganesh was getting ready we had our first discussion of the accident after it had happened because the night before we were busy with treating Mom at the hospital. We both started talking about how this happened and both of us were really pained by what Cheeku had done. Ganesh being the more rational was only talking and visibly deeply pained but I could not control my tears as I spoke about how Cheeku had totally let us down by what he did. I realize now that I felt so emotional because when you love someone a lot and they let you down, you feel more sad than angry. It is a strange feeling when the person you love makes a mistake which hurts someone badly. You kind of feel very heart broken because you know this person so well and you know that he is a very good being but you cannot right his wrong. And that feeling surely proves that when you like someone dearly that person’s joys, sorrows, good deeds and bad deeds are all yours as well.