Circle of trust

A few weeks ago I learnt something about ‘building trust’ in a training program. The trainer spoke about how to build or repair trust and one of the main things that we were taught was that one has to start with oneself (like in all cases) when wanting to build trust. The trainers went on to discuss the tools that can be used to build trust. Many were still apprehensive and questioned ‘What if the person at the other end did not trust me even after I have tried all the methods?' As soon as that question was posed, I immediately realized that we were all doing exactly what we were being taught not to do – not trusting someone else!

Trust begets trust and if we start by thinking the other person does not trust me, then we have already started on the wrong foot. So, when I thought a little more about it, I came up with an analogy. Trust is like a circle. Whether one is trying to build trust with someone for the first time or is trying to repair trust, we have to enter the circle somewhere. We cannot keep speculating about what the other person will do or where the other person is in the circle. By doing so, we are not trusting the other person but we are worried whether there will be reciprocation. However, we often seem to argue about who makes the first move but forget that someone has to enter the circle somewhere to start the cycle.

Having thought this for a while, I realized this is applicable in all sorts of setting including personal relationships, working relationships or for that matter social relationships. For instance, take the example of the imminent climate talks in Copenhagen. We have on one side the developed nations wanting developing nations to cut down carbon emissions and on the other hand developing nations wanting the richer nations to start first. If you think of it from the circle of trust angle, someone has to enter the circle somewhere. It really does not matter at what point in the circle you are, because it is a circle after all! And once someone enters it, the others follow and by virtue of being in a circle we follow each other. This may sound cliched, especially when we think we live in a cut-throat world, but we will never gain trust and action unless we start to trust and start to act ourselves. Because, as the popular adage goes, ‘Change starts with you’!

Now, I’m sure all of you are wondering whether after having done all this profound thinking and talking, I manage to live by these principles. Frankly, I am not perfect and haven’t got it completely right but I am surely trying my best. When I read the editorial in the newspaper today about how across 45 countries 56 newspapers carried the same editorial about the climate talks in Copenhagen, I started thinking how this was so much similar to each of us taking a step towards change in good faith. And just that thinking, I feel, is one of my small steps towards getting better with the ‘circle of trust’ learning.